IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that planting trees in open space in cities and towns is more important than building houses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
It is often argued that building houses in urban areas is less essential than planting
trees
Use synonyms
 and creating green
spaces
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.
While
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 I agree with
this
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 view to some extent, I believe that both are important because
trees
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 provide cleaner air and a relaxing environment,
while
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 houses are essential to accommodate the growing population.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why I agree with
this
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 statement. The primary reason is that urban
trees
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 have significant environmental benefits.
This
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 is because
trees
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 absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen, which is beneficial for human beings.
For example
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, studies show that areas with extensive green
spaces
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 are generally less polluted than other urban landscapes.
As a result
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, green
spaces
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 can improve air quality and provide residents with a healthier and more relaxing environment.
Therefore
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, it is crucial for governments to start campaigns and awareness programmes in urban areas to reduce pollution and improve public health by lowering carbon emissions.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that
this
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 view is not entirely convincing because the need for housing is critical in many cities, necessitating the construction of more homes to address homelessness and affordability issues.
For instance
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, in many countries
such
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 as Pakistan, India and Bangladesh, a significant number of people struggle to find adequate accommodation.
Consequently
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, these nations need to construct more houses and high-rise buildings to meet the demands of their growing populations
while
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 still preserving sufficient green
spaces
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I agree with the statement to some extent because planting
trees
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 and creating green
spaces
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 provide significant environmental benefits.
However
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, I believe that a balanced approach that considers both green
spaces
Use synonyms
 and housing development would be more appropriate.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. Say which need should come first when land is limited, and explain why.
task response
Give a more direct answer to the words “more important”. You say both are important, but you can explain how a city should choose between homes and trees in a real case.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but make them more exact. For example, explain how a lack of homes affects families, or name a city plan that keeps parks while building tall homes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear. To make the flow even better, make the first sentence of each main part show how it answers your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same idea about clean air and health. Join or cut these ideas so each sentence adds a new point.
coherence and cohesion
The last line of the first main part moves to government campaigns quite fast. Add a short link to show why campaigns are needed, or focus more on why trees should be kept.
task response
You discuss both trees and housing, and you give a fair view that cities need both.
task response
You explain useful points about clean air, health, homelessness, and the growing number of people.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear main idea and uses links such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Consequently” well.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending clearly brings back your main view and gives a sensible answer: cities should keep a balance.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban forestry
  • biodiversity
  • recreational areas
  • sustainable development
  • afforestation
  • carbon sequestration
  • photosynthesis
  • green infrastructure
  • heat island effect
  • property values
  • eco-friendly
  • mixed-use development
  • vertical gardens
  • rooftop parks
  • land-use planning
  • renewable resources
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