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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In recent years, studying overseas or
work
Use synonyms
 internship has become increasingly common among university
students
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.
Although
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this
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 trend offers several
disadvantages
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,
such
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 as the cost
students
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 need to pay, I firmly believe that the
advantages
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 outweigh the
disadvantages
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 because it provides new experiences and connections for
students
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.
Body paragraph 1
Going abroad will definitely give new experiences and great opportunities for
students
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they will make new connections with many people abroad and broaden their knowledge.
However
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, that program needs a massive amount of money, not only for academic activities but
also
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 for daily living.
Students
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 from middle- low income will struggle to get the funding needed for their basic needs,
such
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 as housing, food, or
event
Use the right word
even
show examples
 clothing.
Consequently
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, many people are unable to pursue their undergraduate program because of financial problems. Some measures can be taken by the government,
such
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 as giving scholarships
for
Change preposition
to
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 those who want to pursue higher education but do not have enough financial support.
Body paragraph 2
By contrast
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,
work
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 placement might be a better option for universities to implement. Many
advantages
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 will be gained from
this
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 program without having any
disadvantages
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. Companies or government institutions will receive a benefit from
this
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 activity, not only for the
students
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whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 will definitely get many
advantages
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,
such
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 as
work
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 experience, build
a
Correct article usage
apply
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connections with experienced people, and
also
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getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 money from their internships.
As a result
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,
students
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 will gain something beyond the knowledge they receive at the universities and
also
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 support the industry and/or institutions with employees.
Conclusion
To summarise, studying abroad or
Use synonyms
work
Correct article usage
a work
show examples
 placement might offer several benefits if it is implemented by all universities, even though there are some drawbacks to it.
However
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, with correct measurement from the authorities,
this
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 activity could give more
advantages
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rather
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages
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.

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task response
Make your main answer clear from the start: say that the good points are greater overall. Then explain both study abroad and work placement in a more even way.
task response
Give a real or clear made-up example. For example, explain how a student may learn work skills during a placement, or how study in another country may help in a future job.
task response
Do not say that work placement has no bad points. It can have costs, poor pay, stress, or less time for study. Show why its good points are still greater.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body part. The first body part could be about study abroad, and the second could be about work placement.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas with commas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words carefully: “However” for a different point, “For example” for an example, and “As a result” for an effect. Avoid using them when the next idea does not fully match.
coherence and cohesion
In the end, restate your view in a direct way. Also say that help with costs can make the plan fair for students from low-income homes.
task response
You give a clear view that the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
You include useful points about cost, new experience, work skills, and meeting people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show cause and effect with phrases such as “Consequently” and “As a result.”
Topic Vocabulary:
  • study abroad
  • work placement
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • academic knowledge
  • open-minded
  • independent
  • self-confidence
  • adapt to change
  • career chances
  • cultural understanding
  • language skills
  • financial cost
  • family responsibilities
  • compulsory
  • flexible choice
  • personal growth
  • hands-on learning
  • future employer
  • equal opportunity
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