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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In the past, most people used to travel to their place work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphone, more and more people are starting to work from home. What are the advantage and disadvantage of this development?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
The issue of starting to
work
Use synonyms
 from
home
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 has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
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 believe that
travel
Replace the word
travelling
 to their place
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work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
 has several
benefits
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 that will affect
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people life
Check wording
people's lives
show examples
,
while
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 others believe that their drawbacks exceed their
benefits
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.
This
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 essay will explore
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of the way of working.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,the major
benefits
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 of starting to
work
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 from
home
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 that easier than
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 to the place
work
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.
For example
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,if a man works on his
technology digital
Correct word order
digital technology
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,he can
work
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 in his room and can drink coffee.
Furthermore
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,many
people
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 prefer to
work
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 from
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
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home
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 because it is save their money .
For instance
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,if a woman goes to her
work
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 by her car,the woman should pay for the patrol of her car,which impact on the woman
finantially
Correct your spelling
financially
.
However
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,
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 to
work
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 from
home
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more
smoothly
Replace the word
smooth
 than
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
 to
work
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 place.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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 ,despite having several
benefits
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 of starting to
work
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 from
home
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 ,there are many drawbacks as well.
First,
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starting to
work
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 from
home
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 might
unsuitable
Verb problem
be unsuitable
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 who live in the countryside because the internet connection is weak in the countryside.
In addition
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,many
people
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 cannot depend on
the technology digital
Correct word order
digital technology
show examples
 for their
work
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.
For example
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,if a girl works on her
loptop
Correct your spelling
laptop
.
the loptop
Correct your spelling
The laptop
 might break down
while
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 she works.Meanwhile,the technology devices might affect
people
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`s eyes.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 starting to
work
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 from
home
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 offers significant
benefits
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of
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
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`s
live
Replace the word
lives
,it is important to acknowledge the drawbacks ,
such
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 as unexpected problems with devices and the
weak
Replace the word
weakness
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 connection.

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task response
Answer both parts with a clear view. Give two main good points and two main bad points. Explain each point more fully.
task response
Use examples that clearly show the result. For example, working at home can save travel time and car costs, but it can make team work harder.
task response
Some ideas need to be more exact. Say why weak internet is a problem and why a broken laptop can stop work.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: First, Also, For example, However, and In conclusion. Do not join many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check key word groups for clear meaning, such as "travel to their workplace", "work from home", and "digital technology".
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of working from home, so your answer stays on the topic.
task response
You give real-life examples about saving money on car fuel and problems with laptops.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as "On one hand", "On the other hand", "For example", and "To sum up".
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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