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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #films #computers #games #books
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The methods which schools may implement for teaching pupils are of great debate.
Although
 some assume that utilizing films, computers and games benefits students more in comparison with book-based education, I wholeheartedly subscribe to the fact that
due to
 the following repercussions, the latter is more efficient and beneficial.
To begin
 with, nowadays youngsters are being overwhelmed with the enormous amount of digital facilities and schools are the only place they can find themselves reuniting with the real world and being released from the significant urge to use
this
 equipment.
Hence
, if cutting-edge technologies appear in schools, youngsters would have less time to reconnect with reality, prior to a great attachment and addiction to these facilities. To illustrate, studies have shown a considerable rise in one’s urge to use digital facilities in individuals who get involved in
this
 habit more than often.
Moreover
, being encountered with these learning methods rapidly would cause people some physical injuries
such
 as optical problems, exacerbation of concentration and spinal cord abnormalities
due to
 prolonged hours of sitting in front of them. To cite an example, consider a student who engages in studying using
this
 approach for 6 hours per day.
This
 person would definitely witness some damage to his physical health and experience a great amount of exhaustion, all of which are caused by the stationary nature of using technology equipment.
On the other hand
, some individuals may claim that these approaches may benefit students by exceeding the amount of enthusiasm for their subjects because they find it more exhilarating.
However
,
this
 benefit is of a high price for people to pay based on the long-term disasters it would bring them
such
 as cognitive and physical impairments.
Furthermore
, books have always encouraged students to get more involved in their studying based on the fact that individuals should put adequate effort into comprehending subjects
instead
 of reaching them with a single click on the internet.
To conclude
, the numerous harms of
this
 novel approach should be considered when deciding the best way of education .
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing with cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of structures to create more complex sentences; this will help with the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
Work on providing a balanced view when addressing the task requirements, offering both sides of the argument before concluding your own stance.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and relatable examples to strengthen the main points and arguments within your essay.
task achievement
Consider a more nuanced conclusion that restates your position clearly while summarizing the key arguments made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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