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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People in the current generations are not fit and active. What are the problems. What can be done to encourage people to participate in sports activities.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
The issue of the generations
are
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
not
fit
Verb problem
being fit
show examples
 and active has become a
signficant
Correct your spelling
significant
 concern in recent years.It is widely believed that
this
Linking Words
 generation should be fit and active .
This
Linking Words
 essay explores the
casues
Correct your spelling
causes
 of the problem and suggests possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause is that many parents do not monitor their
children
Use synonyms
 ,which might affect childen to not doing any
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 action.
For example
Linking Words
,if a
child
Use synonyms
watch
Correct subject-verb agreement
watches
show examples
 TV
everyday
Rephrase
every day
show examples
 and does not help his family
in the
Change preposition
with
show examples
 homework ,he will be
lazy
Correct article usage
a lazy
show examples
 person in the future.Another factor is that many
children
Use synonyms
 do not do
exersises
Correct your spelling
exercises
,which have implications for
children
Use synonyms
`s health.
For instance
Linking Words
,if a
child
Use synonyms
 eats too much and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not do
exersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
,the
child
Use synonyms
 might become obese ,which affect his healthy.
Body paragraph 2
One solution is that parents should command
children
Use synonyms
 to do some activities ,
such
Linking Words
 as playing in the park or walking
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the beach ,which would help by assisting
childen
Correct your spelling
children
 to do
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 funny without
technology
Use synonyms
.Another solution is that the parents should ban
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital
technology
Use synonyms
 from their
children
Use synonyms
,which has been shown to
Use synonyms
children being active
Replace the word
children's activity
.
For instance
Linking Words
,if a
child
Use synonyms
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have digital
technology
Use synonyms
 ,the
child
Use synonyms
 will be more active
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 he will assist his
familt
Correct your spelling
family
 if they need anything .
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,the generation that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not fit and active is a pressing issue.By adopting
to
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 ban
the
Change preposition
on
show examples
 digital
technology
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 and
ask the
Wrong verb form
asking
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to do some activities,we can address the root causes and work towards a better outcome.If everyone plays their part,we can help to create a better
sitution
Correct your spelling
situation
 in the future.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why people are less fit today, not only why some children are less active. You can include screen time, car use, long work or study hours, and easy fast food.
task response
Keep the main group the same. The question is about people in general, but most of your essay is about children. You could write about both adults and children.
task response
Make each idea clearer with a full cause and result. For example: people sit for many hours at work, so they have less time and energy for sport.
task response
Your examples are linked to the ideas, which is good. Make them more real and clear. For example, schools can offer free after-school football or running groups.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this form, but make each body part focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of your ideas: First, Also, As a result, For example, and Finally. Do not use too many long sentences with "which".
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word order and missing words. Use short, direct sentences. For example: "Parents should encourage their children to play outside."
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating "a child" in the same part. Use words like "children", "they", and "young people" when the meaning is clear.
task response
You discuss causes and give ways to help people take part in sport and activity.
task response
You give useful ideas about less screen time, outdoor play, and help from parents.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to connect your main ideas with real daily life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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