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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
It has been seen widely in many nations that residents from the countryside have moved to urban
areas
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, which has caused a population decline in rural
areas
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. I personally think it is a positive evolution because the advantages are obvious.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason causing people to move to the
cities
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 from rural
areas
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 is economic development.
Due to
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 the economic surge, job opportunities have grown dramatically in certain
cities
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.
Thus
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, manual labourers who live in the countryside have been attracted by a huge employment vacancy.
For example
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, agricultural workers could double their incomes easily as taxi drivers in a megacity rather than do agricultural work in field.
In addition
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, there are other factors that might be essential for the migration. There are more options for social welfare, education and healthcare in downtown
areas
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, which could be the reason to encourage residents to stay in
cities
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is a good sign that people move out of the countryside, because it means the agricultural industry is more efficient.
Instead
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 of using human labour, an increasing number of machines have been introduced and used in the field. Especially with AI-powered technology, pests have been controlled very well, and the plants have been monitored constantly.
Therefore
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, the job opportunities have reduced for rural residents.
For instance
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, a farmer needs to operate more computers and machines to help with his cultivation than a decade ago.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the flow of manual labour to the
cities
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 is a powerful signal that indicates the efficiency of agriculture is improving, and the economic development is healthy and thriving.
Therefore
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, I believe it is a positive development for population migration from rural regions to the
cities
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.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first paragraph. Then make each body paragraph show why this change is good for both city people and country people.
task response
Your first body paragraph mainly explains why people move. The task asks if this is good or bad, so add more detail about why these jobs, schools, and health care make the change good.
task response
Develop the idea about farms with more care. Better machines may mean fewer farm jobs, but you should also say how the country can support people who leave, and how it can still keep enough food workers.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, explain how a worker can earn more in a city, send money home, or how machines help one farm grow more food with fewer workers.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main paragraphs, and an end. To make the flow stronger, begin each body paragraph with a direct point about why the change is positive.
coherence and cohesion
Link the first paragraph more closely to your view. Instead of only giving reasons for moving, end it by saying that these reasons improve people’s lives.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the path of your ideas: “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. Do not use “On the other hand” when you are still giving another reason for the same positive view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Choose “rural areas” and “cities”, then use them through the essay, rather than changing to “countryside”, “urban areas”, and “downtown areas” too often.
task response
You give a clear positive view and keep this view until the end.
task response
You use two useful ideas: more work and better public help in cities, and more machines on farms.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has a clear beginning, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Examples about taxi work and farm machines help the reader understand your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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