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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, it is becoming increasingly common for people to follow a vegetarian diet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
vegetarian
Correct article usage
a vegetarian
show examples
 diet has become a common trend for people in some nations. I believe the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend do not outweigh the drawbacks because
although
Linking Words
 vegan
food
Use synonyms
 is cheap,
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 is still consider incomplete meal.
Body paragraph 1
The main advantage of
this
Linking Words
 is that vegetables are easily accessible
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 consumers in many countries. Vegetables are produced in high quantity by
formers
Use the right word
farmers
show examples
 because of advanced machinery and productive seeds,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 ultimately
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 the vegetable prices.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many restaurants, the prices of vegetarian
food
Use synonyms
 are much lower than
Use synonyms
food
Correct pronoun usage
those of food
show examples
 containing
meat
Use synonyms
. I,
however
Linking Words
, believe that
instead
Linking Words
 of focusing on accessibility and lower prices of vegetarian
food
Use synonyms
, a meal containing some sort of
meat
Use synonyms
 is
more healthy
Replace the word
healthier
.
Body paragraph 2
Many people face health issues
due to
Linking Words
incomplete
Correct article usage
an incomplete
show examples
 diet. To elaborate, many vegetables do not include all the necessary vitamins, proteins, and carbohydrates, which
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 human body requires to
remian
Correct your spelling
remain
 fit.
As a result
Linking Words
, people suffer from various diseases.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think when
sea foods
Correct your spelling
seafoods
 and other meats are consumed in daily
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the
food
Use synonyms
more healthy
Replace the word
healthier
 because it includes all the additional vitamins and proteins which
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 human body needs.
For instance
Linking Words
, many professional doctors
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
advise
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their patients to consume
meat
Use synonyms
 in their daily intake to ensure that they are eating healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite the fact that vegetarian
food
Use synonyms
 is less expensive to buy, I think
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 includes insufficient vitamins,
Linking Words
therefore
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the use of
meat
Use synonyms
 is more crucial for
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 life.

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task response
Give a more careful answer to the question. You say the bad points are stronger, but you only give one good point and one bad point. Add another clear good point, such as less harm to animals or less use of land, then explain why the health point is still more important.
task response
Be more exact about health. A vegetarian diet can give people all they need when it is well planned. Say that some people may miss key food parts if they do not plan meals well, rather than saying that vegetables always cause disease.
task response
Make each example more real. The restaurant price example is useful, but give a clear place or kind of meal. For the health point, explain what a person may eat instead of meat, or why they may need help to plan meals.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make the first main part fit your view better: first show the good point, then clearly say why it is not enough.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: “However, this is not true for every meal.” “In contrast, a poorly planned vegetarian diet may lack some key food parts.” This will make the ideas move more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, talk only about price and easy access. In the second, talk only about health. This will make the line of thought easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and small grammar errors, as they sometimes make the meaning less clear. For example, use “farmers”, “considered”, “an incomplete meal”, “remain”, “on a daily basis”, and “give advice”.
task response
You give a clear view in the first paragraph and keep the same view in the ending.
task response
You answer both sides by giving a good point about low cost and a bad point about health.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful links, such as “For instance”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Vegetarian diet
  • Chronic diseases
  • Carbon footprint
  • Deforestation
  • Animal welfare
  • Nutritional deficiencies
  • Balanced intake
  • Societal norms
  • Meat-dominant
  • Sustainable living
  • Plant-based proteins
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