IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Mobile phones have made life easier and anyone can use a mobile phone to answer or make work calls or home calls art any place 7 days a week. Do you think this development has more positive effects or negative effects on the individual and the society ?

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Introduction
Cellphone is easier and ready to use anywhere
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
show examples
 at home or out 24/7.
For
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, it is better to own a mobile phone than the fix ones, at
this
Linking Words
 point you may stay
connect
Replace the word
connected
 with families, friends and important
office
Fix the agreement mistake
offices
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 that are trying to reach out to you.
Body paragraph 1
At
first,
Linking Words
technology makes life easier than
over
Change preposition
in the
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 past years.
For instance
Linking Words
, people used to
missed
Wrong verb form
miss
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 several calls just because the only option was to be at home.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many activities have to be done. Like, going to work, or school futhermore some important meetings or
Doctor's
Correct article usage
a doctor's
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 appointment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, with a portable
phone
Add a comma
phone,
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 anyone can
comunicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 via call or text and inform on time about situations.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, many parents
after dropped
Wrong verb form
drop
show examples
 off
Correct determiner usage
their toddlers'
show examples
toddlers'
Check wording
toddlers
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 at school,
teachers
Correct word choice
and teachers
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 have to call them because of
inexpected
Correct your spelling
unexpected
 health
issue
Check wording
issues
show examples
. Because of the new
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
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 they can reach parents so
quick where ever
Correct word order
quickly wherever
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 they are.
Therefore
Linking Words
, users need to manage it properly. In public, or at work
devices
Punctuation problem
, devices
show examples
suppose
Wrong verb form
are supposed
show examples
 to be
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 silent mode in order to not
disturb
Verb problem
to disturb
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 others.
Conclusion
In conclusion, mobile devices are important because
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 keep families and friends
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
connected.
However
Linking Words
, users have to use it properly in public. The
vibrate
Replace the word
vibration
 mode or silent are optional in public.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first part. Say if the good effects are greater than the bad effects for both people and society.
task response
Talk about society as well as people. Your essay gives good points about family, work, school, and health, but it says very little about how phones affect society as a whole.
task response
Add at least one bad effect, then explain why the good effects are still greater. For example, phones can disturb people at work or in public, but silent mode can help.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example: parents can get calls from school quickly, so children can get help faster.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make each main part focus on one idea only: easy contact in the first part and help in urgent cases in the second.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Do not begin too many sentences with “Therefore.” You can also use “As a result,” “For this reason,” and “However.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are not complete or have too many ideas. Write shorter, full sentences. For example: “People used to miss calls because they had to be at home to answer them.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending answer the full question. It should say that mobile phones have more good effects than bad effects, while users should not disturb other people.
task response
You give useful real-life examples, such as parents getting calls from school and people telling others when they cannot attend work or a doctor visit.
task response
Your main view is clear: mobile phones help people stay in touch with family, friends, and work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraph breaks and has an introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For instance,” “Moreover,” and “However” help show the link between some ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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