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Band 4.5

/ Freshwater has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of this increased demand, and what measures could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

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Introduction
It is argued that freshwater has been a limited
resource
Use synonyms
 in some parts of the world. Today, there is a shortage
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 growing demand has created a global issue around the world.
This
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 essay will examine
factors
Correct article usage
the factors
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 of issues and propose some solutions about it.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with,
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
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 reasons are that growing populations
and
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apply
show examples
don’t
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 create suitable
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resource
Check wording
resources
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 for citizens. There is an increasing population around the world
and
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, and
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 the demand
gradually
Verb problem
is gradually
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goes up
Verb problem
increasing
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.
In addition
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, countries
don’t
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 take into account
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amount
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the number
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 of
people
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, after which suggesting that
people
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 may suffer from
lack
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a lack
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 of
water
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 next
years
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year
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.
Additionally
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,
contries
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countries
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 can work with social scientists and experts to estimate
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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amount
Use synonyms
 of population and consider
to
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the
show examples
 shortage of
water
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.
Moreover
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, they should consider that clean
water
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 is essential for everyone.
Governments
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 need to find new
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resource
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resources
show examples
 and bring some sustainable
practice
Fix the agreement mistake
practices
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, which could become that
don’t
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 use excessive
water
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and
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, and
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 citizens should gather rainfall with a basket.
Furthermore
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,
governments
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 should invest in
barrage
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a barrage
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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that is
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quite
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a quite
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 significant thing because
people
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 directly take advantage of it in
significantly shortage
Correct determiner usage
a
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 state
.
Change preposition
of significant shortage.
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Therefore
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, it is evident that there is a limited clean
water
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resource
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that is
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 a prominent matter
,
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. Governments
show examples
governments
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 bring some solutions
becoming that
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by
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 building new facilites
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 barrages or
water
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 retention,
also
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 predict
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amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of population with experts and should teach sustainable principles to them.
Body paragraph 2
Another important point to consider is that
,
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apply
show examples
 individuals must consider reusable materials,
for
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instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
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 eco friendly cup,
recycle
Wrong verb form
recycled
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 clothes or shoes and jeans. It provides
efficiently using
Replace the word
efficient use
 of
water
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and
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, and
show examples
people
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 should tend to consume
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
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. Unless
people
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don’t
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 care about their consuming habits,
shotage
Correct your spelling
shortage
 of
water
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 may become
critical
Correct article usage
a critical
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 crisis for citizens. Meanwhile, countries should benefit from reusable
energy
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resources
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resources,
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 that could be nuclear
energy
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. Some researchers say that the biggest use of
water
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 consist from producing
energy
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. We must construct nuclear
energy
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,
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otherwise
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apply
show examples
countries cannot save a significant
amount
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 of
water
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.
Thus
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,
people
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 have to change some unnecessary habits
and
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, and
show examples
governments
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 turn to reusable
energy
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 resources.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the growing demand for freshwater is
a
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an
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 essential subject and
lack
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the lack
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 of clean
water
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 is a
hazard
Replace the word
hazardous
 situation.
Governments
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 need to bring a few convenient practises for it
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
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 should be aware of
state
Correct article usage
the state
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, which is quite serious
and
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, and
show examples
 they should take
responsibilities
Check wording
responsibility
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 to save
water
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
resource
Check wording
resources
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Give clear causes first, such as more people, more food farms, and more water use in homes and work. Then give clear actions for governments and people.
task response
Explain each main idea with a simple link to water demand. For example, say that more people need more water to drink, wash, grow food, and make goods.
task response
Use examples that are closely linked to freshwater. Reusable cups and clothes may help, but they are not strong main examples here. Write more about fixing leaks, using less water at home, saving rain water, and using farm water in a better way.
task response
Be careful with ideas about nuclear power. The point is not fully explained, and it does not clearly show how it will save freshwater. Choose easier and more direct ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: an opening, one paragraph on causes, one paragraph on actions, and a short ending. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main point. Do not put causes and actions together in the first body paragraph. Keep one purpose in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer linking words. Words such as “In addition”, “Moreover”, and “Furthermore” appear often, but the ideas do not always connect well. Use simple links only when needed: “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter, clearer sentences. Some sentences are hard to understand because the word order is not clear. For example, replace “countries don’t take into account amount of people” with “Many governments do not plan for a growing number of people.”
task response
You discuss both the reasons for higher water demand and ways to deal with the problem.
task response
You include useful government actions, such as planning for more people, finding new water sources, and building water storage.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and try to guide the reader with linking words.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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