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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. What problems do it creates? How could this situation be improved?

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Introduction
The issue of the local
shops
Use synonyms
where
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are closing as they are unable to compete with large
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 in the area has become a significant concern in recent years.It is widely believed that the small
shops
Use synonyms
 might not
receive
Verb problem
make a
show examples
 profit.
This
Linking Words
 essay explores the
causses
Correct your spelling
causes
 of
this
Linking Words
 problem and suggests possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause is that many people think that the large
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are more modern and buy a good
quilty
Correct your spelling
quality
,which affects the small local
shops
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if a small store builts at a famous
street
Use synonyms
 and its location between two large stores,the people will not pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the small store.Another factor is that the small local
shops
Use synonyms
 might not receive profits.
As a result
Linking Words
,the
founded
Replace the word
found
 man will feel
dissapointed
Correct your spelling
disappointed
 because he will lose his money.
Body paragraph 2
One solution is that the shop owner should build small local
shops
Use synonyms
 on an empty
street
Use synonyms
 ,which would help the shop owner to receive profits .
For instance
Linking Words
,if a small shop builts at empty
street
Use synonyms
,many people will attract their attention.Another solution is that small
shops
Use synonyms
 should buy the staff
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
 low prices,so that many
costumers
Use the right word
customers
show examples
 will go
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,the owner
Use synonyms
shops
Change preposition
of shops
show examples
 can invite a famous person to advertise their
shops
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,the small local
shops
Use synonyms
 that
located
Verb problem
are located
show examples
 near
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
large
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 and
unable
Verb problem
are unable
show examples
 to compete with the large
supermarkets
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a pressing issue.By
adpoting
Correct your spelling
adopting
 to build on an empty
street
Use synonyms
 and invite famous persons ,we can address the root causes and work
tawards
Correct your spelling
towards
 a better outcome.

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Task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain the problems of shop loss for people and the local area, not only for the shop owner. For example, local people may lose jobs, less choice, and a place to meet.
Task response
Keep the ideas close to the question. Your first body paragraph gives reasons why shops close, but the question asks what problems this creates. Change this paragraph to the results of shops closing.
Task response
Make the solutions more clear and real. Moving to an empty street may not bring people there. You could write about low prices, good service, local goods, online sales, or help from the city.
Task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and example. Say how lower prices or famous ads would help small shops get more people and make more money.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, problems, solutions, and conclusion. Put only problems in one body paragraph and only solutions in the next.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear main sentence. For example: “The loss of small shops can cause several problems for local people.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care: “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “For example”. Make sure each link shows the right idea. Some sentences now repeat the same point about profit.
Coherence and cohesion
Make sentences easier to follow. Write “People may choose large supermarkets because they have lower prices and more choice” instead of long sentences with unclear parts.
Task response
You give both problems and solutions, so the essay addresses the full question.
Task response
You use examples to show your ideas, such as a small shop near two large stores.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “To sum up”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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