IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

1.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In recent years, a growing number of
population
Check wording
people
show examples
 have moved from rural to urban areas
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
made
Verb problem
has made
show examples
 the proportion of people residing in
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 plummet even more compared to the
last
Linking Words
 decades. I am of the opinion that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
relocating
Replace the word
the relocation
 of people from
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 to cities
Body paragraph 1
have many societal negative developments
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
the
Correct word choice
as the
show examples
 economic and national growth of the country is dependent on both of these living places.
Conclusion
Firstly
Linking Words
, the decrease of population in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 can
holdback
Correct your spelling
hold back
 the economy of both living areas. The depopulation of
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 can reduce the number of
workforce
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 for agriculture, animal husbandry and fishmongery.
Consequently
Linking Words
, when these sectors can no longer attract the required supply of workers, these areas can not provide sufficient levels of crops, meat and
diary
Use the right word
dairy
show examples
 products that supplies to the whole country
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 cities.
This
Linking Words
 disruption in production will eventually lead to decreased financial stability.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: you think this change is bad. However, the essay is not complete. Add another main point and a short ending that says your view again. You could write about city problems, such as too many people, high house costs, and not enough jobs.
task response
Explain each idea more fully. For example, say how fewer farm workers may lead to less food, higher food prices, and problems for people in both towns and cities.
task response
Use one clear real or made-up example. For instance, describe a small farming area where young people leave, farms close, and food has to come from far away.
coherence and cohesion
The main order is easy to follow: opening, then one reason. Make it stronger by using one paragraph for each main reason and a final paragraph for your ending.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “In the end”. Do not use a comma after “as” in “as the economic...”; write the idea as a full sentence instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to read. Break them into shorter sentences. This will make the meaning more clear.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear negative view.
task response
Your point about farm work and food supply is on topic and helps support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph has a clear main idea and uses cause-and-effect links, such as “Consequently” and “eventually”.
coherence and cohesion
The essay starts with an opening that gives the topic and your position.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: