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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the
transportation
Use synonyms
 used by
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 (from age to 12 ) to go
school
Change preposition
to school
show examples
 in one country between
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1990 and 2010. Units measured in
millions
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, walking was the highest way to go
school
Change preposition
to school
show examples
 in 1990,
while
Linking Words
 in 2010,
car
Use synonyms
 passenger was the highest.
First,
Linking Words
in
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
show examples
 walking was the highest
Use synonyms
transportation
Check wording
mode of transportation
show examples
 used (13
millions
Use synonyms
 child ), but in 2010, the
number
Use synonyms
 of children who
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
transportation
Check wording
mode of transportation
show examples
 was 6
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 who used
bus
Check wording
buses
show examples
 in 1990 was 7
millions
Use synonyms
 which is more than
2010
Change preposition
in 2010
show examples
 ( about 5
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
). In 2010, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
families
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a
car
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of children who used
(
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
car
Use synonyms
passenger )
Check wording
apply
show examples
to get
school
Change preposition
to school
show examples
 increased ( 11
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
),
whereas
Linking Words
 in 1990 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 was less than
2010
Change preposition
in 2010
show examples
 (5
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
)
Linking Words
due to
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 some families
they have not
Correct word order
did not have
show examples
 a
car
Use synonyms
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of children who used cycling and (walking and bus) was
closed
Replace the word
close
 to each other
aproximatlly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 ( over 6
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
 and less than 6
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
).
In contrast
Linking Words
 2010, cycling was the lowest
Use synonyms
transportation
Check wording
mode of transportation
show examples
 used by
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 ( 2
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
),
Linking Words
Moreover walkin
Correct your spelling
moreover walking
 and bus
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 3
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words transportation, millions, car, number with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trips
  • children
  • modes of transport
  • walk
  • cycle
  • public transport
  • drive
  • car
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • shift
  • convenient
  • comfortable
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • significant
  • indicate
  • reasons
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • 20-year period
  • doubled
  • considerable margin
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