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Writing Samples
Band 5

As major cities continue to grow, so do their problems. What problems can this cause? What are the solutions to these problems?

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Introduction
In recent years, urban
cities
Use synonyms
 have undergone sharp growth , and they face various problems,
such
Linking Words
 as traffic congestion, environmental
pollution
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 and housing shortage. The government can mitigate these issues by implementing several measures.
Body paragraph 1
Local communities living in the major
cities
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come across
Verb problem
face
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 some difficulties.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as
cities
Use synonyms
 and their population grow,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to an extreme amount of traffic jams in peak hours. People use their private cars to commute to their workplace or
education
Change preposition
for education
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. It causes overcrowding
in
Change preposition
on
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roads
Use synonyms
. People struggle with these congestions and increased stress, thereby harming their health. Simultaneously, it accelerates environmental degradation
through
Change preposition
by
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 emitting noxious gases.
Moreover
Linking Words
, jams can be a reason for noise
pollution
Use synonyms
 , which is derived from cars’ horns.
In addition
Linking Words
, the high density of the population lacks of supplying houses.
Then
Linking Words
 prices and rent of accommodations rise.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
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 generation and families from low-income classes cannot afford their payments.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, there are numerous solutions that can alleviate these pressing issues. One of them is the improvement of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation. When the government build extra
roads
Use synonyms
, except main
roads
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,
which
Change preposition
on which
show examples
busses
Correct your spelling
buses
 can
be drawn
Verb problem
run
show examples
, passengers can arrive at their destination on time without delays. Or once the number of buses, metros and trams increases, commuters will not wait next transport. And
this
Linking Words
 can prevent air from
pollution
Use synonyms
, at the same time, residents could not suffer from an intense amount of noise. To tackle housing problems, the government should construct high-rise buildings.
This
Linking Words
 helps to equip residents with enough flats. And building houses in remote places of the
cities
Use synonyms
 where people can access all facilities, reduces high rent and prices.
Conclusion
In conclusion, growing major
cities
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 cause congested
roads
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, heavy
pollution
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 and a lack of accommodations, which can be solved by better public infrastructure and the construction of affordable houses.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the question. You name key problems and give ways to deal with them. To make your ideas stronger, explain each link more clearly. For example, show how more buses can make people leave their cars at home.
Task response
Add one clear real-life example. For instance, you could say that a new metro line can help people travel from outer areas to the city centre without using a car.
Task response
Keep your points focused. Traffic, air pollution, noise, and housing are all useful, but give a little more detail to the most important two or three points instead of only naming many effects.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: problems first, then solutions, and a short end. This makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. For example: 'The main problems are traffic and a lack of homes.' Then explain these points in the same order.
Coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are not used in a natural way. Avoid starting many sentences with 'And' or using 'Or' to join full ideas. Use simple links such as 'As a result', 'For this reason', 'Another problem', and 'To solve this'.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the connection between a problem and its answer more direct. Put each answer close to the problem it solves: public transport for traffic and pollution; new low-cost homes for high rent.
Task response
You cover traffic, pollution, and housing, which are all very relevant city problems.
Task response
Your solution ideas are practical: better public transport, more roads, and more high-rise homes.
Coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives a clear plan, and the conclusion returns to the main ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'However'.
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