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Band 5.5

Some people say it is the government's responsibility to transport children to school, while others believe parents should transport their children to school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In the contemporary era, adolescent safety is a major concern for everybody, and transporting them between their home and
school
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 is a noteworthy topic. Many believe that the
government
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 should be responsible for
this
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, but others argue that
parents
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 themselves should be in charge of driving their
kids
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 to
school
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will talk about both sides of the problem and give my own view.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, I think that the responsibility of transporting
kids
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 between
school
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 and their residences should belong to the
government
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. The
government
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 has funding from citizen taxes, so they should be capable of taking care of the children.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when they take care of various adolescents, they are going to use
school
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 buses with many priorities in driving, which is far safer than letting
parents
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 drive the
kids
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 on their own.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the
parents
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 should take their
kids
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 to
school
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 too. I believe that
parents
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 should take advantage of every chance they have to talk to their teenagers, and the period before or after going to
school
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 is a vital opportunity. Juveniles these days are being too distant from their
parents
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 because everyone is too busy minding their own business. The quality time of driving helps both juveniles and
parents
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 get to discuss their own problems and
empathize
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empathise
show examples
 with each other.
Conclusion
From my point of view, I assume that mothers and fathers should take the responsibility of transporting their
kids
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 and make the most of the driving time to become bestie with their children.
However
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, the
government
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 should support the transportation of children, too, by managing traffic in
school
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 areas and
prioritizing
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prioritising
show examples
 lanes for students.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view at the end. To make your ideas stronger, explain more clearly why public transport is safer and why parents may not always have time to drive.
task response
Use one clear example for each side. For example, a school bus can help families with low pay, while a short car ride can give parents and children time to talk.
task response
Keep your words about children the same. You use kids, adolescents, teenagers, and juveniles. Choose children or students, as these fit the topic better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one view, the other view, and your own view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas can be clearer. In the first main part, say why school buses have a safety benefit, such as trained drivers, set stops, and fewer cars near schools.
coherence and cohesion
Your last part repeats that parents should drive. Add a short reason that brings both sides together: parents can drive when possible, but public buses should be there for families who need them.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear word groups such as 'many priorities in driving' and 'prioritizing lanes for students.' Use simple, clear words like 'school buses may have special road rules' or 'safe bus lanes near schools.'
task response
You answer every part of the question: you show both views and state your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one main idea, and the words 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' help guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly shows your view and also gives the government a support role.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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