IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that industries should moved from urban to rural areas. To you think the advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

4.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Industrial
areas
Use synonyms
 have a significant impact on cities and the surrounding environment. I completely agree that moving industrial zones from urban to rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is the best solution.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
industrial zones in cities cause major
traffic
Use synonyms
 and infrastructure issues.
For example
Linking Words
, many urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 suffer from
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion
due to
Linking Words
 heavy trucks
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to and from these factories. Because these large vehicles move slowly, they disrupt regular
traffic
Use synonyms
 flow.
In addition
Linking Words
, heavy trucks damage road surfaces, leading to severe potholes and higher maintenance costs.
Body paragraph 2
Second,
Linking Words
the environmental and health impacts of industrial zones in urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 can be severe. Factories often emit toxic gases that drift into residential
areas
Use synonyms
, which people breathe, negatively affecting their health.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some factories produce toxic liquid waste
that is
Linking Words
 improperly disposed of in rivers, seas, or directly into the ground.
This
Linking Words
 waste can contaminate groundwater, making it unsafe and undrinkable for local communities.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that relocating industries to rural
areas
Use synonyms
 is the best choice.
This
Linking Words
 measure would reduce urban
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion, protect roads from damage, safeguard the environment, and preserve public health from toxic pollution.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts of the question. You explain why cities may gain, but you do not discuss the bad side for rural areas. Add ideas such as harm to farm land, clean water, nature, and the health of people in small towns.
task response
Do not say moving industry is the “best solution” without showing why its good points are greater than its bad points. Compare the two sides clearly, then state why one side is stronger.
task response
Give a more real example. For instance, say that a new factory may bring jobs to a rural town, but it may also make the air and water less safe if rules are weak.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make the link between ideas stronger, use words such as “However”, “On the other hand”, and “As a result” when you compare good and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
The first line talks about industrial areas in general, but it does not clearly answer the question about moving them to rural areas. Start with a direct view on whether the good points are greater than the bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main part fit the question more closely. One part can be about gains for cities and rural areas; the next can be about risks for rural areas. This will give the essay a more balanced plan.
task response
You give clear reasons why industry can harm city life, including heavy traffic, road damage, dirty air, and dirty water.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to follow. Each body part has one clear main point, and the ending repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple link words well, such as “First”, “In addition”, “Second”, and “Moreover”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: