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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that traveling to foreign countries is the best way to learn about new cultures, while others believe that watching television and reading books is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that travelling is the most effective method to learn about different cultures.
However
Linking Words
, others argue that in recent years
watching
Punctuation problem
, watching
show examples
 television or reading a book is more comfortable and efficient. In my opinion, both views are equally important, but physical interaction with
people
Use synonyms
 can make learning a tradition more personal and engaging. On the one hand, it is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that
by
Change preposition
through
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 technology we can obtain information easily to learn about certain cultures
through
Change preposition
by
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 watching videos or reading a book. In fact, watching television can be very comfortable and save time, and most notably does not require
money
Use synonyms
 for flight tickets and other expenses
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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.
For example
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, travelling to Iceland requires
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 amount of
money
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more
Punctuation problem
, more
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 than 3000$ for each person for a week there
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 flight tickets, but watching videos to learn more about
icelandic
Capitalize the proper name
Icelandic
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culture
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 and tradition
save
Correct subject-verb agreement
saves
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 a significant amount of
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, watching or reading about different cultures can save
money
Use synonyms
 and time, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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people
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 to be
more happier and
Correct word order
happier and more
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 comfortable about learning a new
culture
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
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 argue that travelling is the most effective way to learn and gain a new
culture
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, to learn a new
culture
Use synonyms
 in
effective
Correct article usage
an effective
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 manner, learning a tradition can be more engaging in physical presence.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, technology can not
be replaced
Wrong verb form
replace
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 physical touch and personal stories about a country.
As a result
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, travelling is the fastest way to learn a
culture
Use synonyms
 from real
people
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the place itself can tell stories about its
culture
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 watching and reading a book to know different
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 can be comfortable and save time, travelling can be more personal and engaging
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 because it involves more unique
experinces
Correct your spelling
experiences
 by visiting the place in person and
discover
Wrong verb form
discovering
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 its history from local
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your view. Make your view even clearer: say that travel is better, while TV and books are useful first steps.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how travel lets people talk to local people, try food, see daily life, and join local events. Explain how TV and books can give facts, history, and views from many places.
task response
Your Iceland example is useful, but it mainly shows cost. Add an example that shows how a person learns culture, such as staying with a local family or taking part in a local meal.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and use a clear topic sentence at the start of every body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. For example, use “This means that...”, “For this reason...”, and “By contrast...” to show cause, result, and the change between the two views.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “learn a culture” and “new culture” many times. Use simple changes such as “understand local life”, “know more about a country”, or “see its way of life”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph state your final view in one direct sentence before you give the reason. This will make the ending stronger and easier to follow.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the value of TV and books, explain the value of travel, and give your own view.
task response
The point about travel costs and the Iceland example are on-topic and help show why some people choose TV or books.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow: introduction, one view, the other view, then conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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