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Band 4.5

Cars have become a convenient and economical form of transport and as a result, the use of cars has increased dramatically during the last century. Discuss the problems this increase has created, and offer some practical solutions.

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Introduction
In an era defined by new, advanced technologies and the widespread
use
Use synonyms
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
vehicle
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vehicles
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, it has become increasingly common for individuals to
use
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 their own
cars
Use synonyms
 in recent years, especially in urban areas.
While
Linking Words
 some ongoing issues can be attributed to
this
Linking Words
 trend, I believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can
be taken
Verb problem
implement
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 some far more efficient solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Body paragraph 1
Without doubt, using a private vehicle on the road can lead to several problems for
people
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. When many individuals rely on their own
cars
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 for going to their
working
Replace the word
work
 or other venues, it can contribute to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy traffic congestion in the country, which leads
people
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 to more delays, especially for their work or an important meeting.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they have to waste their valuable time on the road, thereby allowing
people
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 to face some challenges associated with their mental health.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if
people
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use
Use synonyms
 their private
vehicles
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 more for their daily commuters, it can
cause to gas emissions into a temperature
Correct word order
lead to gas emissions
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, which contributes to
carbon dioxide into a temperature
Correct word order
the temperature, and carbon dioxide
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, in my view, there are some far more productive measures to address
this
Linking Words
 increasing problem
among
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in
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 the community. If
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 invests
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large amount of money in public
transport
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,
people
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 opt
more on
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for
show examples
 public
transport
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instead
Linking Words
 of using their own
cars
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, which leads them to avoid the substantial costs of fuel, parking fares and insurance premiums.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments can discourage car
use
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 by introducing congestion charges and imposing higher taxes on private
vehicles
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, thereby reducing traffic on the roads.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
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 are
commencing
Verb problem
beginning
show examples
 to
use
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the
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apply
show examples
public
transport
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, thereby allowing them to save their valuable time without facing
a
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apply
show examples
delays.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the
use
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 of private
vehicles
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 has become more widespread over the past few decades, I believe that implementing measures
such
Linking Words
 as introducing congestion charges, imposing higher taxes on private
vehicles
Use synonyms
, and promoting public
transport
Use synonyms
 can help reduce reliance on private
cars
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you discuss problems and give solutions. To make your answer stronger, explain each point more fully. For example, show how traffic jams affect work, health, and city life.
task response
Your ideas about traffic and air pollution are relevant, but the pollution point is not clear. Write simply: “Cars produce more carbon dioxide, which makes air pollution worse and adds to global warming.”
task response
Give one clear, real example for each main idea. For instance, say that buses and trains can carry many people at the same time, so there are fewer cars on the road.
task response
Some solution ideas are useful, such as better public transport, road charges, and higher car tax. Explain how each one would work and why people would choose not to drive.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: introduction, problems, solutions, and conclusion. Keep this plan, with one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “The main problems are traffic jams and air pollution.” Then explain these two problems in order.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used too often, especially “thereby allowing” and “therefore”. Use short, simple links such as “As a result”, “Also”, “For this reason”, and “However” only when needed.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or repeated phrases. For example, “daily commuters” and “a delays” make the meaning hard to follow. Use “daily travel” and “delays” instead.
task response
You give relevant problems: traffic jams, lost time, stress, and pollution. You also give practical solutions that are closely linked to the problems.
task response
Your conclusion clearly repeats your main solutions and gives a direct final view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because the first body paragraph focuses on problems and the second one focuses on solutions.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words to show cause and result, such as “Consequently”, “Therefore”, and “As a result”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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