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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people argue that the most effective way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Others, however, believe that this has little effect and that other measures are required. Discuss bo

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Introduction
It is often argued that increasing the number of places for physical activities is an effective way to improve public well-being, as
this
Linking Words
 would encourage more people to exercise. Others, including myself, disagree, as maintaining a healthy diet and spreading awareness of healthy living can have greater impacts than simply increasing access to
such
Linking Words
 places.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, increasing the number of sports facilities can motivate more individuals to stay active. Since people nowadays lead busy lives and are unwilling to spend a longer time commuting to exercise, providing
such
Linking Words
 facilities near their homes, schools and workplaces would help them participate in physical practices.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could lower subscription prices, making exercise easily accessible, and encourage wider participation, which could ultimately result in a healthier society.
For example
Linking Words
, the Saudi Arabian government has built a fitness boulevard where citizens can participate in different sports activities for free to motivate an active and healthy society.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, spreading awareness can encourage more people to stay active even at their homes and help them to understand a healthy diet. I believe a healthy meal can have more impacts on health, since most of the health conditions are caused by unhealthy eating habits
such
Linking Words
 as overeating, excessive consumption of processed foods and fast foods, which are harmful to the body.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government have to implement necessary strategic measures for dietery regimen and a healthy living.
For example
Linking Words
, the Saudi Arabian government has implemented a law where the restaurants have to list all their food with its calories on the menu card.
This
Linking Words
 would truly help everyone understand their food intake based on their health and diet.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 constructing a lot of sports facilities can help wider participation in physical fitness, increasing awareness of a healthy lifestyle can be highly effective in building a healthy society.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own clear view. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why food and health information may work better than new sports places. You could also say that both actions can work best when used together.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your main ideas. Add one short detail about how the fitness area or the menu rule changed people’s daily choices. This would make the examples more useful.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. The order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. Words such as “Moreover”, “Therefore”, and “For example” are used well, but some sentences are very long. Split them into two shorter sentences when you give several ideas at once.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. For example, use “sports facilities” or “places to exercise” more often, rather than changing to less clear phrases such as “physical practices” or “such places”.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and clearly state that health information and a good diet are more important than only building sports facilities.
task response
The Saudi Arabia examples are on topic and help show how your ideas may work in real life.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph begins with a clear main idea, and the ending returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas move in a clear order from exercise places, to diet and health information, to a final summary.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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