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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people argue that the most effective way to improve public health is to increase the number of sports facilities. Others, however, believe that this has little effect and that other measures are required. Discuss bo

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Introduction
It is often argued that providing more places for physical activity is the most effective way to improve public well-being, as
this
Linking Words
 would encourage more individuals to exercise. Others, including myself, disagree, as maintaining a healthy diet and raising awareness of healthy living can have a greater impact than simply increasing access to
such
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 places.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, increasing the number of sports facilities can motivate more members to engage in physical activity. Since many people nowadays lead busy lives and are unwilling to spend a long time commuting to exercise, providing more facilities near their homes, workplaces and schools would allow them to stay active without taking up much of their time.
Moreover
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,
this
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 could lower subscription prices, making exercise more accessible and encouraging wider participation, which could ultimately improve
overall
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 health.
For example
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, the Saudi Arabian government has built a sports boulevard where citizens can practise various activities for free to encourage a more active society.
Nonetheless
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, I believe that other measures would have a greater impact.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, raising health awareness can encourage individuals to be more active even at home and help them understand the importance of a healthy diet, leading them to make better food choices. I believe that healthy eating habits have a significant impact, since many medical conditions are caused by overeating and consuming highly processed meals and fast food, which can be harmful to the body.
Therefore
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, governments should implement strategic measures regarding food.
For instance
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, the Saudi Arabian authorities introduced a law requiring restaurants and cafés to display calorie counts on their menus, helping consumers make healthier choices and avoid overeating.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
although
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 increasing the number of recreational facilities can encourage more people to stay active, I believe that following a healthy diet and raising health awareness are more effective ways to promote a healthier society.

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task response
You answer both views and give your own clear view. To make the answer even stronger, explain more fully why food and health learning may help more people than new sports places. For example, say that all people eat every day, but not all people will use a gym or sports site.
task response
Your examples fit the main ideas. Add one short fact or clear result after each example. This would show more clearly how the sports road or menu rule can change people’s health.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one view, the other view, and ending. The links between parts are easy to follow. You could make the first line of each main part show the main point even more directly.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “Moreover”, “For example”, “Nonetheless”, and “Therefore”. Do not use too many links in one long sentence. At times, two short sentences would make your ideas easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold many ideas. For example, the sentence about busy lives, travel time, and places near home could be split. This would make the point more clear and give each idea more space.
task response
You deal with both sides of the topic and keep your own view clear from the start to the end.
task response
The points about time, cost, food, and health learning are on topic and well chosen.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear focus, and the ending brings your view together well.
coherence and cohesion
The use of real examples from Saudi Arabia helps the reader understand your points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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