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Band 8

In some parts of the world, many famous people are regarded as role models and they are having an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In many parts of the world, celebrities and other prominent
figures
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 are increasingly being viewed as role models by younger generations, giving them a growing influence over the way adolescents think and behave.
Although
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 some public
figures
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 can provide positive examples, I believe
this
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 is largely a negative development because it may create unrealistic expectations and encourage young
people
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 to imitate undesirable behaviour.
Body paragraph 1
The first concern is that the glamorous lifestyles presented by public
figures
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 can create unrealistic expectations among adolescents. Constant exposure to luxury possessions, perfect appearances and celebrity status may lead younger viewers to associate a successful life primarily with wealth and popularity. Consider,
for instance
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, a teenager who regularly sees a favourite celebrity displaying designer clothing, expensive cars and overseas holidays on social media.
Such
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 exposure may encourage materialistic aspirations and leave the young person dissatisfied with his or her own circumstances. A
further
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 concern is the tendency of followers to imitate the conduct of
people
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 they admire. Since public
figures
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 often receive considerable attention from their audiences, their habits and attitudes can easily be copied, even when these are undesirable. If a celebrity presents excessive partying or other unhealthy practices as normal, some impressionable followers may adopt similar habits.
Consequently
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,
this
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 growing influence could affect young
people
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's behaviour and lifestyle in harmful ways.
Therefore
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, I believe
this
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 trend is more likely to be detrimental than beneficial.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the influence of well-known individuals is not necessarily harmful. Those who have achieved success through dedication and perseverance can set constructive examples for younger members of society. A successful athlete,
for example
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, may demonstrate the value of regular training, self-discipline and commitment to a goal. Exposure to
such
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 an example could motivate teenagers to develop similar qualities in their studies, careers or personal activities. In
this
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 respect, public recognition can serve as a source of inspiration rather than simply promoting an attractive lifestyle.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 positive effect depends largely on the character and conduct of the individual being followed.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 influential public
figures
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 can provide younger
people
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 with worthwhile examples of hard work and achievement, I believe their growing role as role models is predominantly negative. The promotion of unrealistic lifestyles and the imitation of undesirable conduct can have a lasting effect on adolescents' expectations and behaviour.

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task response
State your main view even more directly in the first paragraph. Your view is clear, but a short line such as “This is mainly a bad change” would make it stronger.
task response
Your two main reasons are clear and well explained. To make the answer even stronger, add one more clear link between each example and its effect on young people.
task response
The good side is explained well, but it is shorter than the bad side. You could add one more small example of a good role model, such as a person who helps others or speaks about health.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: main view, reasons, other side, and ending. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words are used well. You can make the flow more natural by not using “The first concern” and “A further concern” too often; sometimes join ideas with simple words such as “also” or “because.”
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main idea. For an even smoother flow, begin the second body paragraph with a clearer link to the first, such as “However, famous people can also have a good effect.”
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view that the change is mostly bad.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit your ideas, especially the example of luxury posts online and the athlete who shows hard work.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives the topic and your main view, and the ending clearly brings your key ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, and each one has a clear main point with explanation and an example.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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