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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

(SOFIA) With the rise of the internet more and more people are getting their news from social media platforms. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Twenty-first
Correct article usage
The twenty-first
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 century has witnessed substantial changes in
people
Use synonyms
's lifestyle and one of them is obtaining
news
Use synonyms
 from the internet.As with the prevalence
in the
Change preposition
of
show examples
 technology ,the public wants to find
easy
Correct article usage
an easy
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 way to get
know
Verb problem
to know
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 about their surroundings by using
of
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apply
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online
media
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.As per me ,it is
mixed
Correct article usage
a mixed
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 blessing ,even though it has some merits,the demerits certainly overshadow them.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 using these online platforms could be easy access to information.One can easily get
news
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 anywhere about
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
.
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
people
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 can get
news
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 instantly even after
some mintues of
Correct word order
a few minutes of something
show examples
 happening
something
Check wording
apply
show examples
,which is not possible in
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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 way of
news
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.
For example
Linking Words
,a
news
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 which happened in
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 in
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
 mintues that will reach frequently in other
corner
Fix the agreement mistake
corners
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 of the world.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,the increasing number of
people
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rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
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.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, there are several drawbacks
assoiciated
Correct your spelling
associated
 with
this
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 trend.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend ,the reading habits of newspaper has declined surprisingly.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
 ,
people
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 are more indulged in smartphones
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 a lot
time
Change preposition
of time
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 on social
media
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 ,which leads to their low productivity.One of the main
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
 with rapidly using social
media
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 to get
unappropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
news
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 ,sometimes
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
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 fake
news
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Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
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 to which
people
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 took serious steps towards that
news
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it could create misunderstandings between
people
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 .
For example
Linking Words
, it can be seen in many nations that
due to
Linking Words
 fake
news
Use synonyms
 ,
people
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 went for riots and
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
 some
pulbic
Correct your spelling
public
 and private properties.
Conclusion
Having discussed
this
Linking Words
 topic at length,though there are certain advantages of easy access
of
Change preposition
to
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news
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 on social
media
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 ,it has more disadvantges any fake
news
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, which can
rise
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 some serious issues for the
people
Use synonyms
 and the country.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph and keep the same view to the end. You say the bad points are stronger, but explain this more fully.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. For example, explain why false news can lead people to act in a bad way.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The example about riots is useful, but say how a false post can cause this problem.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: good points, bad points, then a final paragraph. Keep this simple plan.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one main idea. Then add two or three sentences that explain only that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Try: First, Also, However, For example, As a result, and In conclusion. Do not put too many links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences shorter and clearer. Some sentences are hard to follow because they have too many ideas, such as the sentence about fake news and serious steps.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view that the bad points are greater.
task response
You include useful ideas: fast news, easy access, less newspaper reading, phone use, and false news.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphs well. Each paragraph has a main purpose.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Moreover”, “Nevertheless”, “For example”, and “Therefore” help show the links between ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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