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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think traditional games are better than modern games in helping children develop their abilities. To what extent do you agree?

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is often argued that traditional
games
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 are more beneficial than modern
games
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 for developing
children
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's abilities.
Although
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 modern
games
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 can provide certain benefits, I completely agree that traditional
games
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 are more valuable because they promote physical development and decision-making skills
while
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also
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 providing opportunities to develop practical social abilities.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason why I agree with
this
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 view is that traditional
games
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 can contribute greatly to
children
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's physical development. Many
such
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 activities require
children
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 to run, move and coordinate their bodies
instead
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 of remaining seated for long periods. They can
also
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 develop quick decision-making because
children
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 have to react to changing situations during a game.
For example
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, when playing football, a child needs to run across the field, observe the position of teammates and decide quickly where to pass the ball.
As a result
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, traditional
games
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 can improve physical fitness
while
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also
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 helping
children
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 respond effectively to real-time situations.
Body paragraph 2
Traditional
games
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 are
also
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 valuable because they provide
children
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 with direct opportunities to develop practical social abilities. Unlike many activities that are played individually on a screen, traditional group
games
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 require participants to communicate, follow rules and deal with disagreements.
For instance
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, if two
children
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 want the same role in a team game, they may have to discuss the situation and reach an agreement before continuing. They
also
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 learn how to accept defeat and respect other players, which are important aspects of real-life interaction.
Consequently
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,
children
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 can develop negotiation, cooperation and problem-solving skills through ordinary play.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I completely agree that traditional
games
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 are more beneficial than modern
games
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 for
children
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's
overall
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 development. They promote physical activity and decision-making
while
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also
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 teaching practical social skills that are useful in everyday life.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it even stronger, add one short point about why modern games are less helpful in these areas, not only that traditional games are good.
task response
Your two main ideas are well chosen: body skills and social skills. You could make the answer more full by showing that some modern games can also help, but that they do not give as much real play with other children.
task response
Your examples fit your ideas. Add one more small, real example of a modern game to make the compare part more clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: start, two body parts, and end. Each body part has one main idea, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more links that show contrast, such as “However” or “In contrast”, when you talk about games on a screen. This will make the compare between the two kinds of games clearer.
coherence and cohesion
The first body part joins body growth and quick thinking. This works, but you could give each idea its own short part for an even cleaner flow.
coherence and cohesion
The end repeats the main view well. You can make it more direct by briefly naming why modern games are not as good, before you give your final view.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a strong, clear view throughout the essay.
task response
The football example clearly shows how a child can move, watch others, and make a fast choice.
task response
The example about two children wanting the same role gives a clear picture of how games can teach talking and fair play.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are in a good order, and each part leads naturally to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Consequently” help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your start and end match well, and the end clearly brings the main ideas together.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional
  • modern
  • games
  • children
  • develop
  • abilities
  • physical
  • activity
  • outdoor
  • play
  • social
  • skills
  • teamwork
  • sharing
  • understand
  • focus
  • strategy
  • problem-solving
  • low-pressure
  • interaction
  • communication
  • emotional
  • intelligence
  • online
  • critical
  • thinking
  • creativity
  • limit
  • balance
  • development
  • promote
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