IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that it’s acceptable for the media to publish the details of famous people’s private lives.Others say that it should be stopped.

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Introduction
A hot issue of modern societies is about
acceptable
Correct article usage
the acceptable
show examples
famous
Correct word order
private lives of famous people in the
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's private
lives
Use synonyms
 on
media
Use synonyms
, with conflicting views as to whether
published
Wrong verb form
publishing
show examples
 the
details
Use synonyms
 for the
media
Use synonyms
 should be stopped.
Form
Use the right word
From
show examples
 my perspective,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it should be stopped.
Body paragraph 1
It is widely accepted by many individuals that acceptable for the
media
Use synonyms
 to publish the
details
Use synonyms
 of famous
people
Use synonyms
’s private
lives
Use synonyms
. They hold
such
Linking Words
 a belief probably because famous
people
Use synonyms
 have the right to showcase their private
lives
Use synonyms
 in the
media
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct word choice
if
show examples
 they want. The view can be best evidenced by the fact that some famous
Use synonyms
people's
Correct subject-verb agreement
people go
show examples
 through that
wat
Correct your spelling
way
 to improve their publicity, engage with fans to win more affection.
Then
Linking Words
, some public
Use synonyms
people's
Check wording
people
show examples
 publish the
details
Use synonyms
 of famous
people
Use synonyms
’s private
lives
Use synonyms
 for the
media
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
the reason is
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 the
details
Use synonyms
 may contain advertisements.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
agree famous
Correct word order
famous people agree to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 publish their private
lives
Use synonyms
details
Use synonyms
 for the
media
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Those who feel that it should be stopped might argue that famous
people
Use synonyms
 publish the private
Use synonyms
lives
Correct word order
details of their lives
show examples
details
Use synonyms
 for the
media
Use synonyms
.
Undenuably
Correct your spelling
Undeniably
, there is a risk of exposing personal information. To illustrate, the crazy fans check famous
people
Use synonyms
's location and stare
through
Change preposition
at
show examples
 information on the
msdia
Correct your spelling
media
. On
they
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 other hand, teenagers tend to
imiate
Correct your spelling
imitate
 the
details
Use synonyms
 of their
lives
Use synonyms
, which is not conducive
totheir
Correct your spelling
to their
 physical and
mantal
Correct your spelling
mental
 health.
For example
Linking Words
, buy expensive shoes or
bag
Correct article usage
a bag
show examples
, learn to smoke like them and so on. As a
tesult
Correct your spelling
result
, it
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 bad influence for piblic environment.
Thus
Linking Words
,
argue
Replace the word
the argument
 that famous
people
Use synonyms
 publish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private
Use synonyms
lives
Correct word order
details about their lives
show examples
details
Use synonyms
 for the
media
Use synonyms
, in some situations,
Correct word order
apply
show examples
 is strongly opposed by some individuals
.
Correct word order
in some situations.
show examples
Conclusion
In summary, it is undeniable that famous
people
Use synonyms
 have the right to showcase their private
lives
Use synonyms
 in the
media
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, we cannot ignore the fact that it
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 bad influence for piblic environment.

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task response
Answer both sides clearly. Explain why some people support news about famous people, then explain why you think it should stop. Make your own view clear in the first and last parts.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For example, say that famous people may choose to share some news to speak to fans. Then explain why this can help them.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The example about fans finding a location is useful, but explain the result: it can make a famous person feel unsafe.
task response
Be careful not to mix two ideas: famous people choosing to share news, and the media sharing private news without permission. These are not always the same.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, one part for the first view, one part for the other view and your view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. Do not repeat the same sentence about publishing private lives many times.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a clear way: “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part match your view. It should clearly say that media should not publish private details without the person’s agreement.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own view that this should stop.
task response
You use useful examples about fan safety and young people copying famous people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use links such as “For example”, “Therefore”, and “However” to show how your ideas connect.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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