IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some argue that the best strategy to overcome the
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion and pollution problems is to increase the
petrol
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
. I completley disgaree
this
Linking Words
 view because
this
Linking Words
 way may increase socioeconomic disparity, and I believe other measures, including cheaper public transport
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
 and
to reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the number of unprofessional drivers, are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective strategies.
Body paragraph 1
The main reason why I fully believe that higher
petrol
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not the best strategy to solve
traffic
Use synonyms
 issues because it may
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 only
fewer
Correct determiner usage
a few
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. To elaborate,
people
Use synonyms
 who are financially stable
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in a country
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can afford high
petrol
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, it becomes
challenge
Correct article usage
a challenge
show examples
 for poor or
middle class
Correct your spelling
middle-class
 families to buy expensive
petrol
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 strategy will most likely
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 only lower socioeconomic
people
Use synonyms
, and the number of vehicles run by
high class
Correct your spelling
high-class
 families will not only be
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 pollution problems will
reain
Verb problem
remain
show examples
 the same.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I contend that measures which are
follwed
Correct your spelling
followed
 by all individuals are
ore
Use the right word
more
show examples
 effective.
Body paragraph 2
I think the first best measure to reduce the
traffic
Use synonyms
cogestion
Correct your spelling
congestion
 is to make public transportation less expensive. Because of
this
Linking Words
, to save
petrol
Use synonyms
 expenses, many individuals may not drive their private vehicles, and they use public transportation. Ultimately,
this
Linking Words
 can lower the horn noises and pollution. I believe the second imperative measure is to
minimize
Change the spelling
minimise
show examples
 the minor drivers. If transportation authorities issue
driving
Correct article usage
a driving
show examples
 license to
people
Use synonyms
 of
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 age, and apply heavy fines
who
Change preposition
to those who
show examples
 do not follow the
traffic
Use synonyms
 rules.
Then
Linking Words
,
traffic
Use synonyms
 incidents and
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
 can
lower
Wrong verb form
be reduced
show examples
.
Fo
Correct your spelling
For
 instance, in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, the number of
traffic
Use synonyms
 accidents
accur
Correct your spelling
occurs
 fewer because of age
restriction
Check wording
restrictions
show examples
 for drivers
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 only professional
people
Use synonyms
 drive vehicles.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion can not be solved by increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
petrol
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
. I staunchly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 way
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
this
Linking Words
 may generate social differences. I believe
this
Linking Words
 issue can be solved through
affordable
Correct article usage
an affordable
show examples
 public transport facility and
strickt regualtions
Correct your spelling
strict regulations
 on how to get
driving
Correct article usage
a driving
show examples
 license.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: you give your view on petrol price and suggest other ways. However, explain more clearly why higher petrol prices may still cut car use, then show why this is not the best overall way. This will make your view stronger and fairer.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more support. For example, say how cheap public transport can make people leave cars at home, and how this can cut both traffic and air pollution.
task response
Be careful with the idea about young or untrained drivers. It may cut crashes, but it does not clearly cut the total number of cars or pollution. Add a more direct idea, such as better buses and trains, car sharing, bike lanes, or rules on car use in city centres.
task response
The UK example is too general. Give a clear, true detail or use a general example without naming a country. Do not make a claim if you cannot fully support it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Make each body paragraph focus on one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Instead of starting a sentence with “Because of this,” make the link clear: “If public transport is cheaper, many people may choose it instead of driving.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar changes the meaning. Keep sentences short and direct. For example: “Higher petrol prices affect low-income families more than rich people.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words, such as “best strategy,” “traffic,” and “problems,” too often. Use simple changes like “this idea,” “road use,” “congestion,” and “air pollution.”
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view until the end.
task response
You offer more than one possible answer, especially cheaper public transport and stronger driving rules.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are present, and the ending returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used well to separate your reasons and your suggested actions.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discourage
  • Incentivize
  • Alternative energy
  • Public transportation
  • Lower-income
  • Carpool
  • Ride-sharing
  • Congestion
  • Urban planning
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Tax incentives
  • Electric and hybrid vehicles
  • Emissions standards
  • Cleaner vehicles
  • Congestion charges
  • Bicycle lanes
  • Sustainable
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