IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many people change their jobs quite regularly. Rather than working for the same company their entire careers. Why do you think this is happening? How can companies keep their employees?

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In recent years, changing
jobs
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly common, with many people no longer remaining with the same company throughout their
careers\
Rephrase
careers
.
This
Linking Words
 trend can be attributed to several factors, particularly dissatisfaction with working conditions and a
lack
Use synonyms
 of
recognition\
Rephrase
recognition
.
Companies
Use synonyms
 can,
however
Linking Words
, improve
employee
Use synonyms
 retention by creating a supportive
workplace
Use synonyms
 in which workers feel valued and
motivated\
Rephrase
motivated
.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons people change
jobs
Use synonyms
 frequently is a
lack
Use synonyms
 of job
satisfaction\
Rephrase
satisfaction
. Many
employees
Use synonyms
 spend a significant proportion of their lives at work, and excessive workloads, long hours and constant pressure can eventually lead to frustration and
exhaustion\
Rephrase
exhaustion
. If
employees
Use synonyms
 feel that their efforts are neither appreciated nor adequately rewarded, they may begin to look for opportunities
Linking Words
elsewhere\
Rephrase
elsewhere
.
This
Linking Words
 is particularly relevant among younger workers, who may be more willing to leave an organisation in search of better working conditions, career progression or a healthier
work\-life balance\
Rephrase
work-life balance
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, changing
jobs
Use synonyms
 can be viewed as a way of improving both professional and personal
well\-being
Correct your spelling
well-being
 rather than simply as a
lack
Use synonyms
 of commitment to an
employer\
Rephrase
employer
.
Body paragraph 2
Companies
Use synonyms
 can address
this
Linking Words
 issue by making
employees
Use synonyms
 feel valued and giving them clear incentives to remain with the
organisation\
Rephrase
organisation
. Regular recognition of good performance, opportunities for promotion and competitive compensation can all contribute to a stronger sense of
loyalty\
Rephrase
loyalty
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
companies
Use synonyms
 can improve the working environment itself by providing spaces where
employees
Use synonyms
 can relax and socialise during
breaks\
Rephrase
breaks
. Large technology
companies
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Google and Apple,
for instance
Linking Words
, are well known for investing in
employee
Use synonyms
 facilities and creating more comfortable
workplace
Use synonyms
environments\
Rephrase
environments
.
Although
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 measures may appear relatively minor, they can reduce
workplace
Use synonyms
 stress and contribute to greater
employee
Use synonyms
 satisfaction, which in turn can improve productivity and
retention\
Rephrase
retention
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, people increasingly change
jobs
Use synonyms
 because they may experience excessive pressure, poor working conditions or a
lack
Use synonyms
 of recognition in their current
positions\
Rephrase
positions
.
Companies
Use synonyms
 can reduce
employee
Use synonyms
 turnover by rewarding their workers, providing opportunities for advancement and creating a comfortable and supportive
workplace
Use synonyms
 where
employees
Use synonyms
 feel
valued\
Rephrase
valued
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the question well. To make the answer even stronger, add one more reason why people leave, such as better pay or a wish to learn new skills.
task response
Your ideas are clear and well explained. The example of Google and Apple fits the point, but it would be better if you also explained one clear result, such as how these things make people less likely to leave.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “Consequently”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”, help the reader follow your ideas. You could also use simple links within the second main paragraph to show more clearly how pay, praise, and chances to move up work together.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph clearly brings together the main reasons and ways companies can keep staff. Try not to repeat the same words too often, for example “valued” and “workplace”; use simple changes such as “respected” or “place of work”.
task response
You give clear reasons for job changes: too much work, long hours, pressure, poor work-life balance, and little praise or reward.
task response
You give useful ways for companies to keep staff, including fair pay, praise, chances to move up, and a better place to work.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending gives a clear summary of the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is logical. You first explain why people leave and then show what companies can do about it.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: