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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
With
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 city population, a growing number of residents live in apartments with little to no outdoor
space
Use synonyms
. Despite the fact that
this
Linking Words
 development could be the cause of mental illnesses, I believe its advantages outweigh the drawbacks as it saves
space
Use synonyms
 for new residents and
cheaper
Wrong verb form
lowers
show examples
 the prices for homes.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, living in an
accommodations
Fix the agreement mistake
accommodation
show examples
 without an exit to the outside might negatively affect
overall
Linking Words
 well-being. Lack of
space
Use synonyms
 and access to fresh air may lead to depression or disappointment.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who spend a lot of time in crowded spaces without a balcony or patio are likely to get headaches, high blood pressure and bad quality sleep.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 with asthma who live in
such
Linking Words
places
Use synonyms
 can develop complications because of
low quality
Correct your spelling
low-quality
 air.
However
Linking Words
, often walking outside might avoid these problems.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, buildings without
open air
Correct your spelling
open-air
 areas save city
space
Use synonyms
. Exteriors take up a lot of
Use synonyms
places
Check wording
space
show examples
 and
absence
Correct article usage
the absence
show examples
 of them save
places
Use synonyms
 for new apartment buildings.
For instance
Linking Words
,
veranda
Correct article usage
a veranda
show examples
 or
courtyard
Correct article usage
a courtyard
show examples
 usually
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 a huge amount of area which could be better used for building new houses or flats.
Body paragraph 3
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 these facilities might be a benefit for new
people
Use synonyms
 who come from other cities since
much
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
 more accommodations will be provided. Big competition might make houses much cheaper for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
saving
Punctuation problem
, saving
show examples
places
Use synonyms
 for new buildings is important to keep so many
people
Use synonyms
 in a city.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of outdoor area might lead to psychological disorders, it saves
space
Use synonyms
 for new apartment
constructing
Replace the word
construction
as well as
Linking Words
 making them more affordable.

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task response
Give a clearer answer from the start. You say the good points are stronger, but your main good point is only that homes use less land. Add one more strong reason, such as lower home costs or space for more people.
task response
Explain why each point is true in more detail. For example, show how less private outdoor space can lower the cost of a flat, and why this matters to people who move to a city.
task response
Use examples that are more direct. The health example is useful, but the point about asthma and air quality needs care: a home without a balcony does not always have poor air. You could focus on stress, no place to relax, or less play space for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two sides, and an end. To make the flow better, keep all the good points in one main body part. The third part repeats the idea of saving land and adding more homes.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. For example, after saying that buildings save land, explain: this land can hold more flats; more flats can help meet demand; this may make homes less costly.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. Instead of "Moreover these facilities might be a benefit", write "This can also help new people find a home more easily." This tells the reader what the part will say.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and grammar in key links. Use "living in accommodation", not "living in an accommodations"; use "make home prices cheaper", not "cheaper the prices"; and use "save space", not "save places".
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly state that you see more good than bad.
task response
The essay uses real-life points about health, city land, and housing for new people.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives your view, and the conclusion returns to it.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "On the one hand", "On the other hand", "For example", and "In conclusion" help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban density
  • public transportation infrastructure
  • social interaction
  • community bonding
  • mental well-being
  • urban biodiversity
  • urban heat island effect
  • energy-efficient
  • affordable housing
  • cramped living conditions
  • innovative architecture
  • interior design
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • quality of life
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