IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

With growing populations in cities, more and more people live in homes with little or no outdoor space. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Nowdays
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
,
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
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 population in
metropolitian
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 cities
,
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apply
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 has become
challenge
Correct article usage
a challenge
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 because of mostly people live in houses with little or no open air space.
While
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this
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 trend has several advantages, it
also
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 has some disadvantages.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides in
details
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detail
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several advantages of
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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 in population in cities.
Linking Words
Firstly
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Firstly,
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 it
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 in economic growth.
For example
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,
people demands
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people's demand
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 for houses and automobile which lead to
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
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 sector.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 more jobs are
genrated
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generated
.
Secondaly
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Secondly
, it improve qualtity of life of
peoples
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people
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.
For instance
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, better
accessbility
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accessibility
 of schools, hospitals, transport and better
jobs opportunity
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job opportunities
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.
Conclusion
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks. One major
disadvantages
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disadvantage
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 is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 price hike in
realstate
Correct your spelling
real estate
.
For instance
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,
mumbai
Capitalize the proper name
Mumbai
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 is the prime example, because of
over
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over-congestion
congestion
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congestion,
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 the price of the houses is going
skyrocket
Verb problem
to skyrocket
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. Another negative aspect is law and order, traffic management and transportation
which
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, which
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 can lead to many significant issues.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph: say if this is mainly a good or bad change. Your essay talks about both sides, but it does not clearly say what you think.
task response
Write a final paragraph. Sum up your main ideas and repeat your view in clear words.
task response
Focus more on the key point: homes with little or no outdoor space. Explain how this affects health, children, rest, fresh air, and daily life. Much of the essay talks about city growth in general.
task response
Develop each main idea further. For example, explain why a lack of open space can make people feel stressed, and why it may be hard for children to play.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear two-side plan, with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph stay closer to one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between cause and result. For example: 'As a result, more jobs are created.' Also use simple links such as 'However', 'For this reason', and 'In addition'.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main sentence. Then give one reason, explain it, and add one example. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid putting too many ideas in one sentence, such as law, traffic, and transport. Write separate sentences and explain each idea.
task response
You give both positive and negative ideas, and you use examples such as Mumbai and access to schools and hospitals.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into an opening paragraph and two body paragraphs, so the reader can follow the main direction.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful signpost phrases, such as 'Firstly', 'For example', and 'On the other hand'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban density
  • public transportation infrastructure
  • social interaction
  • community bonding
  • mental well-being
  • urban biodiversity
  • urban heat island effect
  • energy-efficient
  • affordable housing
  • cramped living conditions
  • innovative architecture
  • interior design
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • quality of life
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