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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe university education should be free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that University
education
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 should be free for
everyone
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.
Although
Linking Words
people
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 have different views about
this
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 issue, I strongly agree with
this
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 idea because
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education
Replace the word
educating
everyone
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 in
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 can provide
students
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 with better opportunities in life
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Education
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 can help
people
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 become more independent.
Body paragraph 1
The main reason for my view is that
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education
Replace the word
educating
everyone
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 in
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 can give
students
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 better opportunities in life.
This
Linking Words
 is because it helps them gain useful knowledge and develop important
skills
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. These
skills
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 can be useful in their
future
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 studies and jobs, as they can help
people
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 understand new things, solve problems and do their work well.
For example
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,
students
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 who receive
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
education
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 can learn useful
skills
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 and use them in their studies and
future
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 work.
As a result
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, they can have more choices in
education
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 and employment and build a more stable
future
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.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that
education
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 can help
become
Correct pronoun usage
one become
show examples
 more independent.
This
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 is because they can develop useful
skills
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, make better decisions and learn how to deal with problems on their own. These abilities can help them manage their daily lives and prepare for
future
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 responsibilities.
For instance
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 ,
students
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 can learn how to solve problems, complete tasks
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 manage their time at school.
As a result
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, they can become more confident and independent and feel more ready to face
future
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 challenges.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
education
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Use synonyms
everyone
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help
people
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 build a better and more secure
future
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree with
this
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 view because
education
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everyone can give
Correct word order
can give everyone
show examples
people
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 better opportunities and help them become more independent.
Therefore
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, I believe that it can have a positive effect on their
future
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.

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task response
Give a more direct answer to the question. Say why free university is good, but also explain who should pay for it and how it could work.
task response
Your two main ideas are clear: better work chances and more independent people. Develop them with more detail about free university, not only about education in general.
task response
Use a real or clear example. For example, a student from a poor family may go to university, get a job, and then help their family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan because it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one idea. The first part should stay on work and life chances. The second part should explain how university, rather than school in general, helps people live on their own.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same words and ideas too often. You repeat “better opportunities”, “useful skills”, and “independent” many times. Use short links such as “Also”, “For this reason”, and “This means that” to move from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Fix unclear word groups such as “education everyone in university” and “education can help become more independent.” Write “free university education for everyone” and “university education can help people become more independent.”
task response
You clearly give your view from the start and keep the same view until the end.
task response
Your main points are on topic and show why you support free university education.
coherence and cohesion
The order is clear: opening, first reason, second reason, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words well, such as “This is because”, “For example”, and “As a result”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
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