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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is widely
recognized
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recognised
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 that some
public
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people
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 believe discipline should take place in flexible places
as
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, such as
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 homes
and
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, and
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other
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others
 believe in strict and formal frameworks.
This
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 issue has generated significant discussion regarding where
is the best environment
Correct word order
the best environment is
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 to teach
children
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 how to be positive members of the community. In my view, I largely believe that
manners
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 should be taught at home, and
this
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 essay will examine both aspects to provide a comprehensive perspective.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there is a compelling argument concerning making a confident and responsible person because of the smooth and soft methods
parents
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 use to discipline their
children
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. The primary reason for
this
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 is that the safe and warm place to go whenever young ones
do
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make
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 mistakes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 their
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parents
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parents'
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 home because most of the families consider the emotions of their
children
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 first.
As a result
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, loyal adults
that
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apply
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know how to deal with social and business problems. A clear illustration of
this
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that
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is that
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 confidence could be seen in many adults who were taught
manners
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 from their
parents
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, which highlights the practical impact of
this
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 situation.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, another crucial factor to consider is intelligence and cultured people who learned
manners
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 from strict and formal educational backgrounds.
This
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 is mainly
due to
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 the fact that laws and rules of the schools make smart folks
but
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, but
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 without a real identity.
Consequently
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, they are hard workers but without a clear identity or any confidence in themselves.
For instance
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, recent studies in education demonstrate that the weakest people in social life are disciplined school learners.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 many
parents
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 prefer to teach their
children
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manners
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 by themselves to make them more confident people, it is equally important to acknowledge that being smart and cultured is
also
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 a
mignificant
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significant
 thing that helps to evolve the state. Ultimately, I firmly believe that
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parents
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parents'
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 teaching privileges are more.

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task response
Discuss the exact two views in the question: what parents can teach at home and what schools can teach. Your essay changes the topic into soft home rules versus strict school rules. Focus more on being a good member of society, such as respect, sharing, honesty, and following rules.
task response
Give a clear view and keep it the same. You say parents are more important, but you should also explain that schools have a useful role. A strong view could be that parents teach basic values, while schools help children use these values with others.
task response
Use real and clear examples. For example, parents can teach a child to say sorry and help at home. Schools can teach teamwork through group work, sports, and class rules. Avoid claims about studies unless you can explain them well.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain it, then give one example. Some ideas now do not connect well, such as school rules making people smart but without identity.
coherence and cohesion
Make cause and result sentences complete. For example, change 'As a result, loyal adults that know...' to 'As a result, children may become adults who know how to deal with social problems.'
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words carefully: 'First', 'For example', 'However', 'Therefore', and 'In conclusion'. Do not repeat 'because' too often, and make sure each link shows a clear connection.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the final paragraph. Restate both views in a short way, then state your own view directly. Do not add a new point there, such as helping the state, if it was not fully explained before.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view. This gives the essay a clear purpose.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion. This is a useful basic structure.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words, such as 'To begin with', 'On the other hand', 'For instance', and 'In conclusion', to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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