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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people work harder than other. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative habit?

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Introduction
Some
people
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 tend to
work
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 harder than others,
although
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 working hard can bring about several benefits, I personally believe that it may be negative when
people
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work
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 excessively and neglect other important things in life.
Body paragraph 1
The first reason why some
people
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work
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 harder than others is their strong ambition and desire for financial independence.
People
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 who want to earn more money or achieve a higher career position spend extra time and effort on their job.
In addition
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, some
people
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 are naturally ambitious and disciplined, meaning that their respect and love for
work
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 will be greater than that of others.
For instance
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,
people
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 who want to become a manager may
work
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 harder, develop new skills in order to achieve the advance their career.
Body paragraph 2
In my view, if it is in moderation, working hard may be a positive habit. Hard-working
people
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 can develop valuable skills, achieve a higher career position, and achieve their dreams.
However
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, working excessively can have some serious drawbacks because it may lead to stress and exhaustion. working harder can negative impact on the relationships of their families, since they have limited opportunities to spend time with their families.
Therefore
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, working harder should be encouraged, but
people
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 should
also
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 maintain their life balance between their life and
work
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 experience in order to strengthen their relationships with their families and achieve mental relaxation.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 excessive
work
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 can lead to financial and professional benefits, I firmly believe that working excessively can lead to some serious health issues,
such
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 as stress and exhaustion.
Therefore
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, it should be in moderation.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You give reasons for hard work and say it can be good or bad, but add one more clear reason, such as fear of losing a job or pressure from family.
task response
Make your main view more direct. Say early that hard work is good in a healthy amount, but too much work is harmful.
task response
Develop the example. Explain how a person who wants to be a manager works late, learns new skills, and then gets more work or a better job.
task response
Avoid ideas that do not match. The last paragraph says too much work brings money and job gains, but the essay mainly says these gains come from working hard in a balanced way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph begin with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: "One reason is..." "Another reason is..." "However..." and "As a result...".
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences clearer. In the second body paragraph, first explain the good side of hard work, then use "However" to move to the bad side of too much work.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same idea too often. "Stress and exhaustion" and "family relationships" can be stated once, then explained with more detail.
task response
You answer both questions: you explain why some people work harder and give a clear view about the good and bad sides.
task response
Your ideas are relevant. Ambition, money, job growth, stress, and family time are all useful points for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as "In addition," "However," and "Therefore," to show the flow of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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