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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school, while others believe it is better to wait until secondary school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
People have different views about when children should start learning a foreign
language
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.
While
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 many individuals argue that youngsters should start in primary
school
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, others believe they should wait until secondary
school
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. In my opinion, learning a foreign
language
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 in primary
school
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 is the wiser choice.
Body paragraph 1
Supporters of starting a new
language
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 in secondary
school
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 argue that
this
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 would lead to better results. Secondary
school
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 students are more motivated to attend
language
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 courses and stick to the determined plan without any distractions.
For example
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, a student in high
school
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 is more likely to be consistent and not waste vital time, because he values the opportunities he will get if he masters a new foreign and global
language
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.
As a result
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, students who speak a foreign
language
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besides
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 their native one are more likely to earn supreme chances for the future.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, I strongly believe that primary
school
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 children with a great background in a non native
language
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 are more likely to be successful in life. Primary
school
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 youngsters have extreme flexibility and higher chances to learn any foreign
language
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, since they do not have big responsibilities of their own.
For example
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, a primary
school
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 student has large amounts of free time, so he could spend much time attending non native
language
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 courses or studying at home through educational apps.
Consequently
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, primary
school
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 youngsters who have effective and determined second
language
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 learning plans from their parents would get the greatest opportunities in the upcoming years.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 studying a foreign
language
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 in secondary
school
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 can increase the chances
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 consistent, I believe primary
school
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 children should
prioritize
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prioritise
show examples
 learning a non native
language
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, as it leads to better prospects in the future.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your ideas stronger, explain more clearly why young children learn sounds and words more easily. Also explain why older students may work harder, but may have less time.
task response
Some ideas are too general, such as “better prospects” and “greatest opportunities.” Say what these chances are, for example travel, study, work, or speaking with more people.
task response
Your examples are possible, but they are not very specific. Add one clear example of a child learning through songs, games, or short daily lessons, and one example of an older student with school work and exams.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. Keep this order in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between each main idea and its example clearer. After the example, explain exactly how it proves your point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “primary school youngsters” and “non native language.” Use simple changes such as “young children,” “pupils,” “a second language,” and “a foreign language.”
coherence and cohesion
Use more natural word groups. For example, write “a foreign language” instead of “a new foreign and global language,” and “more time” instead of “large amounts of free time.”
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and clearly state your own opinion.
task response
Your view stays the same from the introduction to the conclusion, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main point, and you use examples and result sentences to develop it.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are clear and directly connected to the question.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Pronunciation
  • Fluency
  • Brain plasticity
  • Cultural awareness
  • Globalized world
  • Proficiency
  • Educational opportunities
  • Motivation
  • Resource constraints
  • Specialized teachers
  • Academic pressure
  • Parental involvement
  • Curriculum balance
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