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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.other however say that this would have little effect on public health and other majores are required.discuss both this view and give yourown opinion.

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Introduction
It
if
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is
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 often argued that the best way of improving public
health
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 is by building more
sports
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facilities
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. Even tho
that is
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 a strong point, I believe that having more
sports
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facilities
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 would not directly improve public
health
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and
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, and
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 other factors
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such
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, such
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 as
food
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choices
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 and awareness
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also
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, also
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 play a vital role in public
health
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.
Body paragraph 1
Some
people
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 strongly believe that having more
sports
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facilities
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 would improve public
health
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. Having more
sports
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facilities
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 does aid public
health
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. Building more gyms closer to offices that are accessible to
people
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 at a
subsidized
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subsidised
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 cost can help improve public
health
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.
For example
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, mandating companies
functioning
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with
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 over
a
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apply
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100 employees to build a gym in their office building and giving them complimentary access can encourage more and more
people
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 to go to the gym right after they finish work.
Body paragraph 2
Having more
sports
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facilities
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 may encourage
people
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 to be more physically active
but
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, but
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sports
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 or physical activity
is
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are
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 just one part of
health
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. Other factors
like
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, like
show examples
food
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choices
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,
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also
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 are equally important and should not be overlooked. Healthy eating habits should be encouraged
and
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, and
show examples
 public awareness about
food
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 should be raised.
For example
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, in many countries like India, classifying junk
food
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 and healthy
is
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food is
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 a part of
plat
Correct your spelling
the
 school curriculum.
This
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 helps
people
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be
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apply
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become aware
about
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of
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food
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 from an early age.
Conclusion
Having more
sports
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facilities
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 will definitely promote public
health
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 other things that impact
health
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 should
also
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 be given equal attention. And having the ability to make healthy
choices
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 in other areas will absolutely encourage a person to find the closest
sport
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sports
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 facility.
Therefore
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, having more
facilities
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 can help public
health
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but
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, but
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 not having more
facilities
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but
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, but
show examples
 building awareness about
food
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 and making healthy
choices
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 will absolutely add to public
health
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.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Make your own view more direct in the first paragraph: more sports places can help, but food, health care, and public learning may have a wider effect.
task response
Develop the second main idea more fully. Explain how food rules, health checks, and clear public messages can help people who do not use gyms or sports clubs.
task response
Use examples that are clear and correct. The India example is hard to understand because “plat school curriculum” is not clear. Give one simple, real example and explain its result.
task response
In the last paragraph, avoid repeating the same point. End with one clear answer: sports places are useful, but they should be part of a wider health plan.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main sentence. For example: “More sports places can help people exercise more.” Then give the reason and example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with care: “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”. Do not use “but” many times in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and unclear. Split them into two short sentences, especially in the conclusion. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and small errors that can stop the reader. For example, write “Although” instead of “Even tho”, “measures” instead of “majores”, and “sports facility” instead of “sport facility” when you mean one place.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain why sports places may help and why other health actions are also needed.
task response
The office gym example is relevant and easy to understand. It shows how easy access after work may help people exercise.
coherence and cohesion
Each main idea has its own paragraph, so the reader can follow your view easily.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion returns to your main view that public health needs more than sports places.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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