IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
A certain
amount
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number
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 of individuals believe that in a world where digital media
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more exposed,
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
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 are no longer important as people can
access
Use synonyms
 all
entertainment
Use synonyms
 platforms online. Others might argue that
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 play a vital role both economically and culturally. I personally believe that watching
entertainment
Use synonyms
 online has a greater benefit and is easier to rely on.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with,
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
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 many people have
access
Use synonyms
 to their digital devices
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones, laptops, and iPads. These are used almost every day, and those who feel like watching are just one click away from accessing them.
For instance
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, a lot of people now watch movies on platforms
such
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 as "Netflix", "Disney+", and
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
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"YouTube". All are available and easy to
access
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 depending on their own schedule,
thus
Linking Words
 they can
also
Linking Words
 be repeated many times without any extra cost.
Body paragraph 2
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when individuals are keen to rely more on their digital devices, most companies that provide
entertainment
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 in
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 experience a decline in profit, which results in bad future economics and ethnicities. The reason to overcome
this
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 issue is to make sure that
entertainment
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 is significantly important in order to deliver the country's future development. It is crucial to address that most
entertainment
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 consists of diverse cultural backgrounds.
For example
Linking Words
, in
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
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, many actors are professionally trained to conduct the scene face-to-face with the audience.
As a result
Linking Words
, many individuals feel more connected and more exposed to different types of ethnicities.
Hence
Linking Words
, audiences are more engaged with the environment.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 play a vital role both economically and culturally in order to address the decline in profit, I believe that the use of digital devices is significantly greater, as it is easier to
access
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 and is
flexible
Rephrase
more flexible
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 to watch on our own time.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, the second view needs a clearer answer. Explain in a direct way how cinemas and theatres help jobs, local shops, actors, and the culture of a place.
task response
Your main view is clear: online entertainment is easier. Add stronger reasons for why this is better, such as lower cost, choice, and being able to watch at home. Then explain why these points are more important than the good points of cinemas and theatres.
task response
Some ideas are not clear or do not fit well. For example, 'bad future economics and ethnicities' and 'deliver the country's future development' do not clearly explain the issue. Use simple, direct ideas about money, jobs, culture, and live shows.
task response
Your examples of Netflix, Disney+, YouTube, and live actors are useful. Add one more real example, such as a local cinema losing visitors or a live play bringing people together, to make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, online view, cinema and theatre view, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Make the start of the second body paragraph clearer. 'Although' cannot begin this idea on its own. Try: 'On the other hand, theatres and cinemas are still important for two main reasons: money and culture.'
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the second body paragraph, first explain money and jobs, then explain culture and live acting. This will make the paragraph easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. You use 'For instance', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'Hence' well, but some links do not show the right meaning. Choose simple links such as 'because', 'however', 'therefore', and 'for this reason' only when the next sentence clearly follows.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'important', 'entertainment', and 'digital devices' too often. You can use 'online shows', 'streaming sites', 'live places', or 'these places' to make the writing flow better.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain the online view, the view that cinemas and theatres still matter, and your own opinion.
task response
The essay gives relevant examples of popular online sites and of actors performing live for an audience.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly shows the two sides and states your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion returns to your main view and gives the key reasons: easy access and flexible viewing time.
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