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Writing Samples
Band 5

Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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Introduction
It is often argued that the
city
Use synonyms
 should
to to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
preserve their old, historic
buildings
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of demolishing them and turning
into
Correct pronoun usage
them into
show examples
 a modern
sky scraper
Correct your spelling
skyscraper
. I firmly believe that cities should preserve
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 old, historic
buildings
Use synonyms
 and not turn them into modern
structures
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Historic
buildings
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 what
builds
Correct subject-verb agreement
build
show examples
 a
cities
Check wording
city's
show examples
identity
Use synonyms
. A
city
Use synonyms
's perception is built from the historic events that occurred there. Preserving
structures
Use synonyms
 that have existed since
then
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 retain the
identity
Use synonyms
 of the
city
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Malabar
Correct article usage
the Malabar
show examples
hills
Capitalize the proper name
Hills
show examples
, Mumbai South
court
Capitalize the proper name
Court
show examples
- Mohammad Ali Jinnah's house is still kept as it is since 1947. It represents a huge part of Indian history because the founder of Pakistan never actually thought he would have to give up his house in
Malabar
Correct article usage
the Malabar
show examples
hills
Capitalize the proper name
Hills
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 gives the
city
Use synonyms
 of Mumbai an
identity
Use synonyms
 of having a rich past
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 places like Malabar hills still keep up because of preserved historic
structures
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason to preserve old
buildings
Use synonyms
 is that they can help become a
tourism
Replace the word
tourist
 spot. When old
structures
Use synonyms
 are
preserved
Punctuation problem
preserved,
show examples
 their surroundings can be developed by making hotels and shops
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 it a suitable travel destination
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can add to the economy. When tourism
increases
Punctuation problem
increases,
show examples
 it
also
Linking Words
 adds to local businesses in that
city
Use synonyms
aiding
Punctuation problem
, aiding
show examples
 the residents there.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Italy
Add a comma
Italy,
show examples
 many old
structures
Use synonyms
 are preserved
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 Italy is a big tourist destination. Many cities like Rome have developed small local businesses like "Tiramisu on the go" in busy tourist spots.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I strongly support the idea of preserving historic monuments and
structures
Use synonyms
 to retain the
identity
Use synonyms
 of a place. They can
also
Linking Words
 be
monetized
Change the spelling
monetised
show examples
.
Modernization
Change the spelling
Modernisation
show examples
 can take away the essence of that place.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you give two main reasons: city identity and tourism. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why old buildings are more important than new ones in some cases. You could also say that cities can build new homes and offices in other areas.
task response
Your examples are useful, but the first one is a little hard to follow. Make the link clear: say how the house shows Mumbai's past and why people should keep it. Check facts in real examples, or use a simple made-up example if you are not sure.
task response
Add more detail to the tourism point. Explain how visitors spend money on food, shops, guides, and hotels, and how this helps people who live in the city.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each body part start with one short main idea and then give an explanation and example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. For example, use 'First,' for the city identity point, 'Also,' for tourism, and 'As a result,' before the effect on local shops. This will make the links between ideas easier to see.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and have many ideas. Break them into two or three short sentences. This will make your meaning clearer and easier to read.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view through the whole essay.
task response
The points about a city's past and tourism are both relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your view, and your conclusion returns to the same main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Each main point is in its own paragraph, which helps the reader follow your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preserve old buildings
  • historic place
  • part of history
  • cultural value
  • special character
  • local identity
  • tourist attraction
  • bring in money
  • repair and reuse
  • save resources
  • reduce waste
  • tear down
  • replace with
  • modern design
  • with care
  • find a balance
  • important landmark
  • learn from the past
  • city center
  • public building
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