IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

It is argued that government funding should be used to provide computer training for people aged 65 and above. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, technology has become more essential for
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and above
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 public funding should
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
provide computer training for older citizens
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 proposal.
Body paragraph 1
I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 proposal because older citizens will become independent ,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 when older
people
Use synonyms
 have online appointments, or when friends live in another city ,they can used face time or WhatsApp independently.
public
Capitalize the word
Public
show examples
 funding should support programmers to grow digital
skills
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and above.
Body paragraph 2
Computer
skills
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 support older
people
Use synonyms
 to talk anytime with friends and familis
for instance
Linking Words
, my grand father live in New york and his best friend for him lived in London, they always talk together, but with the support of another person, they can't used Facetime independntly.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree with providing computer
skills
Use synonyms
 for older citizens,
such
Linking Words
 program effective and make digital
skills
Use synonyms
become more easir
Replace the word
easier
.

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task response
State your view clearly, then give two full reasons. Explain how computer lessons can help older people do daily tasks, such as paying bills, seeing a doctor online, and talking with family.
task response
Develop each main point more. After each example, say why this help is important. For example, using video calls can help older people feel less alone.
task response
Use examples that fit your point. The story about your grandfather is useful, but explain that he needs help because he cannot use FaceTime by himself.
coherence and cohesion
Make one clear paragraph for each reason. Start the first with independence, and the second with contact with family and friends.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of your ideas: First, Also, For example, As a result, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times. The first and second body paragraphs both talk about being able to talk with other people. Add a different reason in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and easy to follow. For example, write: 'Public funding should provide computer classes for older people.'
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view in the conclusion.
task response
You use a real and relevant example about your grandfather and his friend.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to connect your ideas with words such as 'for example', 'for instance', and 'in conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital literacy
  • basic computer skills
  • government-funded courses
  • older citizens
  • senior citizens
  • fixed income
  • online banking
  • medical appointments
  • video calls
  • social isolation
  • daily independence
  • community centres
  • practical training
  • one-to-one support
  • online scams
  • personal information
  • digital divide
  • public resources
  • use the budget efficiently
  • disadvantaged groups
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