IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reason and solution?

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Animal extinction is a major and widely believed contemporary threat to animals in continent and in aquatic ecosystems
due to
Linking Words
 land pollution, aqueous contamination, habitat loss, and poaching.
This
Linking Words
 essay will analyse and discuss the aforementioned reasons with the best possible solutions to demonstrate the arguments and points against
this
Linking Words
 alarming situation.
Body paragraph 1
Underlying factors of the drastic decline in the animal populations on the estate constitute a couple of reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the zoological habitat destruction is followed by a sharp increment in the deforestation and urbanisation trends.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the irresponsible use of polythene bags
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and harmful chemicals like pesticides.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the poaching is causing a significant drop in the number of wild animals.
Body paragraph 2
Aquatic species are at risk of elimination
due to
Linking Words
 a number of causes. One of the key factors is water pollution, which involves the oil spillage within aquatic bodies. It causes respiratory and breeding problems for the fish and other aquatic biodiversity. Other main stimuli for the aquatic pollution are the overlooked disposal of contaminated water and industrial waste, which contains harmful compounds, in the natural aqua pura.
Body paragraph 3
Sustainable solutions to prevent the animals in both environments need integrated approaches that include raising awareness against animal-habitat conservation through educational campaigns, enforcement of strict laws against poaching, and the control of dangerous chemical leakage in the clean aquatic settings. Polluted sewage should be treated properly before its release into the sea and rivers.
Conclusion
In conclusion, animal annihilation is a widely recognised threat which can be managed through proposed solutions for the above-discussed issues and the responsible behaviour of humans to protect the environment of other creatures.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the task: causes and solutions. To make the answer stronger, explain each cause in more detail. For example, show how cutting down forests takes away food and homes for animals.
task response
Some ideas are not fully clear. Use direct words such as “land animals” and “sea animals” instead of hard or unclear terms. This will help the reader understand your point at once.
task response
Give one clear real-world example for a main idea. For example, plastic bags in the sea can be eaten by turtles, which can make them sick or kill them.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, land causes, sea causes, solutions, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph focus on one main cause only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show how ideas connect: “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long lists in one sentence. Split them into short sentences and explain the link between the cause and animal loss.
coherence and cohesion
The first paragraph says the essay will discuss reasons and solutions, but it also says “arguments and points against”. This is not needed. State the plan in a simple and direct way.
task response
You cover important human causes, including loss of homes, hunting, and water pollution.
task response
Your solutions are linked to the problems, such as laws against hunting and cleaning dirty water before it enters rivers and seas.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to the main issue and gives a clear final message about human care for nature.
coherence and cohesion
Separate paragraphs for land and water animals make the essay easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: