IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reason and solution?

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
Animal extinction is a major and widely believed contemporary threat to animals in continent and in aquatic ecosystems
due to
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 land pollution, aqueous contamination, habitat loss, and poaching.
This
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 essay will analyse and discuss the aforementioned reasons with the best possible solutions to demonstrate the arguments and points against
this
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 alarming situation.
Body paragraph 1
Underlying factors of the drastic decline in the animal populations on the estate constitute a couple of reasons.
Firstly
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, the zoological habitat destruction is followed by a sharp increment in the deforestation and urbanisation trends.
Secondly
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, the irresponsible use of polythene bags
,
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apply
show examples
 and harmful chemicals like pesticides.
Thirdly
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, the poaching is causing a significant drop in the number of wild animals.
Body paragraph 2
Aquatic species are at risk of elimination
due to
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 a number of causes. One of the key factors is water pollution, which involves the oil spillage within aquatic bodies. It causes respiratory and breeding problems for the fish and other aquatic biodiversity. Other main stimuli for the aquatic pollution are the overlooked disposal of contaminated water and industrial waste, which contains harmful compounds, in the natural aqua pura.
Body paragraph 3
Sustainable solutions to prevent the animals in both environments need integrated approaches that include raising awareness against animal-habitat conservation through educational campaigns, enforcement of strict laws against poaching, and the control of dangerous chemical leakage in the clean aquatic settings. Polluted sewage should be treated properly before its release into the sea and rivers.
Conclusion
In conclusion, animal annihilation is a widely recognised threat which can be managed through proposed solutions for the above-discussed issues and the responsible behaviour of humans to protect the environment of other creatures.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: why animals die out and what people can do. To make your answer stronger, explain each main reason more fully. For example, show how cutting down forests takes away food and homes for animals.
task response
Use clear, real examples. You could mention oil leaks harming sea birds and fish, or farm chemicals going into rivers. This will make your ideas easier to understand and more convincing.
task response
Make the link between each problem and its answer direct. For example, after writing about hunting, say that police checks, strong laws, and fines can stop it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: land problems, sea problems, answers, then a final paragraph. Keep this plan, but begin each body paragraph with one simple main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they use long or unusual words. Use short, direct words instead. For example, write "animals on land" instead of "animal populations on the estate" and "clean water" instead of "natural aqua pura".
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. "First," "Also," "As a result," and "For this reason" can help the reader see how your ideas fit together.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph repeats the main point well. Make it even clearer by naming the two key actions again, such as protecting homes and stopping pollution.
task response
You cover important causes on land and in the sea, including loss of homes, hunting, waste, and oil leaks.
task response
Your answer gives useful ways to help, such as teaching people, using laws, and cleaning waste before it enters rivers and seas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, and each paragraph has a clear general purpose.
coherence and cohesion
You use a short opening and a final paragraph, which helps the essay feel complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • habitat loss
  • natural habitat
  • deforestation
  • urban expansion
  • agricultural land
  • overfishing
  • marine ecosystem
  • plastic pollution
  • oil spill
  • chemical waste
  • illegal hunting
  • wildlife trade
  • endangered species
  • nature reserve
  • marine protected area
  • strict environmental laws
  • heavy fines
  • sustainable fishing
  • protect biodiversity
  • restore ecosystems
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