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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows how much money was spent on two types of electronic products—computers and smartphones—in Country X from 2011 to 2015.

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The bar chart shows how much money was spent on two types of electronic products—computers and smartphones—in Country X from 2011 to 2015.
The bar chart illustrates
the
Correct article usage
apply
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how much money
spend
Wrong verb form
was spent
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 on computers and smartphones in country X between the years 2011 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent
,
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 expenditure on
computer
Check wording
computers
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 increased steadily throughout the period.
Whereas
Linking Words
, on smartphones remained unchanged
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2013 before rising considerably.
Computer
Check wording
Computers
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 attracted higher spending than smartphones
in
Change preposition
apply
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every year. Spending on
computer
Check wording
computers
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 stood at 30
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2011 and increased gradually to 35
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2012 and 40
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2013. The figure rose
at
Change preposition
to
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 45
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2014 and 50
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
In contrast
Linking Words
, expenditure on mobile phones remained stable at 10
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 from 2011 to 2013. It
then
Linking Words
 tripled to 30
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2014, followed by future increased at 45
million
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2015.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words million, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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