Some people think advertisements may have positive economic effects whereas others think there are negative social effects because individuals are not satisfied with who they have. Discuss both views.

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Introduction
People
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have different views about advertisements. Some
people
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think they are good for the
economy
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. Others think they are bad for society, because they make
people
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unhappy with what they have. In my opinion, the social problem is bigger, because
ads
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change how
people
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feel about their own lives.
Body paragraph 1
People
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who support advertisements have one good reason
:
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:
show examples
they help the
economy
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. When a business shows an ad, more customers learn about its products.
For example
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, a shoe company puts an ad on TV, and many
people
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go to the shop to buy the new shoes.
This
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means the company sells more, which gives it more money. Because of
this
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, the company can hire more workers and open new shops. If many businesses do
this
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, the country has more jobs and more money. So
ads
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help the
economy
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grow.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, I believe that the social effect of
ads
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is worse, because
ads
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make
people
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unhappy with what they have.
For example
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, a teenager sees an ad with a new phone and a happy family.
Then
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he looks at his old phone and thinks it is not good enough. He feels sad, so he asks his parents to buy a new one. Many families do not have enough money, so they feel stressed. Over time,
people
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start to buy things they do not need, only to feel better. Because of
this
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, they compare themselves with others, and they never feel happy with what they have. If
this
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continues, society becomes less happy.
This
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is why I think the bad social effect is bigger.
Conclusion
In conclusion, advertisements can help the
economy
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, because companies sell more and give jobs to
people
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.
However
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, I believe that the social effect is worse
,
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apply
show examples
because
ads
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make
people
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feel that they need more.
This
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is why
ads
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can be a problem for society.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. To make the answer stronger, explain more about how ads can help small firms, give people more choice, or make prices lower.
task response
Your main view is clear: the social harm is worse. Add one more clear reason for this view, such as the pressure on young people or the risk of buying too much.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite simple. Give a more real example with clear details: a low-income family may borrow money to buy things they saw online.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of links between ideas. For example, use “as a result”, “in contrast”, “also”, and “for this reason” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, especially that ads make people unhappy. Put these ideas together and then add a new point, such as stress, debt, or too much waste.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first line of each main part show the full point. For example: “Ads can support jobs and business growth.” Then explain it with your example.
task response
You answer both views and state your own view clearly from the start to the end.
task response
The shoe shop and old phone examples are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each part has one main idea, and the order of ideas is clear.
coherence and cohesion
The ending sums up both sides and matches your main view.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer spending
  • Economic growth
  • Brand awareness
  • Market competition
  • Innovation
  • Employment opportunities
  • Tax revenues
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Idealized lifestyle
  • Dissatisfaction
  • Harmful stereotypes
  • Manipulative tactics
  • Psychological impacts
  • Ethical standards
  • Responsible consumer behavior
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