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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reason and solution?

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent years, an increasing number of animal
species
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 have become endangered or extinct
as a result
Linking Words
 of human activities on land and in the sea.
This
Linking Words
 problem is mainly caused by habitat
destruction
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,
pollution
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 and the excessive exploitation of
wildlife
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.
However
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, several effective measures can be taken to protect endangered
species
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 and preserve biodiversity.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason for animal extinction is the
destruction
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 of natural habitats. As human populations grow, forests, wetlands and coastal areas are increasingly converted into residential areas, agricultural land and industrial zones.
Consequently
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, many animals lose their sources of food and shelter, making it difficult for them to survive. Another major cause is the overexploitation of
wildlife
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. Excessive fishing, illegal hunting and the
wildlife
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 trade have significantly reduced the populations of many
species
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.
In addition
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,
pollution
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, particularly plastic waste in oceans, can seriously harm marine animals.
Body paragraph 2
Several steps can be taken to address
this
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 issue.
First,
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governments should establish and properly manage protected areas where endangered animals can live safely. Deforestation and the
destruction
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 of important ecosystems should
also
Linking Words
 be strictly controlled.
Second,
Linking Words
stronger laws should be introduced to prevent illegal hunting, fishing and
wildlife
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 trading, with substantial penalties for those who violate these regulations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, industries and individuals should be encouraged to reduce
pollution
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 by adopting more environmentally friendly practices and disposing of waste responsibly.
Conclusion
In conclusion, animal extinction is largely driven by habitat
destruction
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,
pollution
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 and the excessive exploitation of
wildlife
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. Stronger environmental regulations, better protection of natural habitats and more sustainable human practices can significantly reduce these threats and help preserve animal
species
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 for future generations.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the question well. Your main causes and answers are clear. To make the ideas even stronger, add one short real example, such as a sea animal hurt by plastic or a forest animal that loses its home.
Task response
Your points are good and stay on the topic. You could explain one answer in more detail: say how protected areas are checked, or how new rules can stop illegal trade.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. The order is clear: causes, answers, then a short end. Each paragraph has one main job.
Coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as 'Consequently', 'In addition' and 'Furthermore'. For a more natural flow, do not use too many list links like 'First' and 'Second'; join some ideas with simple links such as 'also' or 'because'.
Coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph clearly brings your main ideas together. You could make it a little more direct by repeating the two key answers: protect homes for animals and cut human harm.
Task response
You give clear reasons for the problem: loss of homes, too much hunting and fishing, and pollution.
Task response
Your answers are useful and match the causes: safe areas, strong rules, and less waste.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending gives a clear final message.
Coherence and cohesion
Ideas move in a clear order, and the links between sentences make the meaning easy to understand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • habitat loss
  • natural habitat
  • deforestation
  • urban expansion
  • agricultural land
  • overfishing
  • marine ecosystem
  • plastic pollution
  • oil spill
  • chemical waste
  • illegal hunting
  • wildlife trade
  • endangered species
  • nature reserve
  • marine protected area
  • strict environmental laws
  • heavy fines
  • sustainable fishing
  • protect biodiversity
  • restore ecosystems
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