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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classr

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Introduction
Primary schools are the basis of education in the academic system
and
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, and
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 there are many methods to teach
children
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, yet teachers
use mainly
Correct word order
mainly use
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 the traditional one, which means the formal
method
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, having
children
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sitting
Wrong verb form
sit
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 in front of a board listening to a lecture.
This
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 essay will discuss why I believe that schools are using the traditional
method
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 and why I think it is very important to try other methods to teach
like
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, such as
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 playing.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, I believe that
children
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 are
dealing constantly
Correct word order
constantly dealing
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 with the traditional
method
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 when studying at school, as for
teachers
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teachers,
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 it is easier to make sure that all the content is discussed during the class and during the year, as they plan all the content in advance.
Also
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,
this
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 teaching style allows us to track
objectively the progress of students
Correct word order
the progress of students objectively
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, as well.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, I
also
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 think that
this
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 approach should be changed as most
children
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 are not capable of staying focused for long periods, making it very hard to retain all the information
at the end
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 of the class.
In contrast
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, by learning with games and playing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them, it
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 is possible to catch
this
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 attention for longer.
For example
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, to learn about notes and coins and payment systems,
instead
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 of showing that through a presentation with
children
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 simply looking and listening, it will be more interesting for them to play at the supermarket, where
children
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 can do grocery shopping and pay with money
and
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,
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 touch it and learn to identify it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe the traditional
method
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 is the main way to teach
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children
Punctuation problem
children,
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 as schoolteachers will be looking to ensure to give all the information they need to show, in order to follow their yearly curriculum.
Nevertheless
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, there are more playful ways to teach that
children
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 will be more interested and the information will
be surely
Correct word order
surely be
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 retained.

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task response
Your view is clear: you feel that too much formal learning is used, and that play is very important. To make the answer stronger, say more clearly how far you agree in the first paragraph. For example, you could say that formal learning has a place, but it should not take up most of the day.
task response
You give good reasons for formal learning, such as helping teachers cover all the work and check progress. Add one more point about why play helps children, such as work with other children, talk more, solve small problems, or feel happy at school.
task response
The supermarket example is clear and fits the main idea well. You could make it even better by saying what children learn from it: adding prices, using coins, speaking to others, and making choices.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, reasons for formal learning, reasons for play, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas can be smoother. For example, after the reasons for formal learning, add a line such as: “Still, this does not mean that formal lessons should be the only way to teach.” This will make the change to the next paragraph feel more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Try not to repeat “traditional method” and “children” so often. Use simple other words, such as “this way of teaching”, “lessons”, “pupils”, or “young learners”.
coherence and cohesion
A few long sentences can be split into two shorter ones. This will make your meaning more direct. For example, the last sentence could be: “There are also more playful ways to teach. These can keep children interested and help them remember what they learn.”
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain why formal lessons are common and why play should also be used.
task response
Your example of a supermarket game is useful, real, and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear main idea, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words, such as “Firstly”, “However”, “In contrast”, and “For example”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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