IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you

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Introduction
The housing shortage represents one of the main social problems in many countries. Among the solutions that can be placed, the one that has been widely discussed is to build tall apartment blocks.
This
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 essay will discuss why I agree with
this
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 measure
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 not completely.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, the construction of tall apartment blocks could allow more
people
Use synonyms
 to live in the cities in better locations with more accessibility to work, schools, hospitals and stores. It could help as well with the traffic problem
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will not need to use cars to go to work or school, and public transport or
walk
Replace the word
walking
 would be the best option.
This
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 would
also
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 help employers as there will be more human resources nearby available to work in the city.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
this
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 measure will lead to overpopulation
making
Punctuation problem
, making
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 cities even more crowded.
Also
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, building a large number of apartments
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 could be a risk as well, as there are big chances that the constructions would be made with poor material, or just to make more
apartments
Punctuation problem
apartments,
show examples
 they would be willing to do small places, which means that
people
Use synonyms
 would live in the city, but in poor conditions.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the housing problem can be solved through the construction of tall apartment blocks, so
people
Use synonyms
 can have more opportunities to live in cities.
However
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, these constructions must be highly controlled so
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 can ensure decent places to live.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree, but not fully. To make it stronger, say more clearly what else cities should do, such as use empty land, improve old homes, or build homes in smaller towns.
task response
Develop each main point with one clear example. For example, compare a tall block near a train stop with low homes far from jobs. This will make your ideas more real and more convincing.
task response
The point about poor materials and small homes is useful, but explain why this may happen and how city rules can stop it. This will give your second body paragraph more depth.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, good points, problems, and ending. Keep this structure, but make the links between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words with care. Instead of "It could help as well with the traffic problem", write "It could also reduce traffic." Shorter links make the meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences carry too many ideas. Split them into two or three shorter sentences, especially in the first body paragraph. This will make the writing clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match your partly agree view. Say that tall blocks are one important answer, not the only answer.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the opening to the end.
task response
You give both good and bad sides of tall apartment blocks, including access to jobs and the risk of crowded living.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, and the opening and ending are both present.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "Firstly", "However", and "In conclusion" help show the path of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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