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Band 6.5

The chart below shows the average time UK workers spent travelling to work and their methods of transportaiton in 2009.

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The chart below shows the average time UK workers spent travelling to work and their methods of transportaiton in 2009.
The chart illustrates the average time employees in the
UK
Use synonyms
 spent travelling to work by different means of transport in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of employees spent less time travelling to work,
while
Linking Words
 the car represented the most popular
method
Use synonyms
 of transportation for
workers
Use synonyms
 in
London
Use synonyms
 and other parts of the
UK
Use synonyms
. People did not use underground transport. Regarding the pie chart, almost half of the population spent 1-15 minutes at 42%,
while
Linking Words
 33% people spent from a quarter to half an
hour
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for arriving
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to workplace. Only 5 percent population spent over an
hour
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 12% humans allocate 31-45 minutes.
Initially
Linking Words
, 8% people spent from half an
hour
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 to an
hour
Use synonyms
 for travelling to work. Turning to graphs, the car was the most popular
method
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 of transportation in both the
UK
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 and
London
Use synonyms
.
London
Use synonyms
 represented 30% of
workers
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the rest of the
UK
Use synonyms
 showed 70%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the underground system was not used by the population in the
UK
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, but in
London
Use synonyms
, approximately 18% of
workers
Use synonyms
 used the underground
Use synonyms
method
Check wording
system
show examples
. The bicycle was used by almost the same percent
workers
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 at about 5.
However
Linking Words
,
London
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 represented a big difference in train
method
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with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 20% of employees,
while
Linking Words
 almost none used
this
Linking Words
method
Use synonyms
 in the rest of the
UK
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the walk was
also
Linking Words
 used by almost a proportion of
workers
Use synonyms
 at 10.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, method, workers, london, hour with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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