IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

‘It is important for foreigners to know something about the history and culture of the country they live in.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There are a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who think that foreigners should increase their knowledge about both the
history
Use synonyms
 and
culture
Use synonyms
 of the countries they live in. There is a question asked by individuals about how important it is and what the benefits are. In my opinion, I think studying the
history
Use synonyms
 of a country you live in as a foreigner can offer some advantages,
such
Linking Words
 as friendship, which can be achieved with minimal effort.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, knowing about the
history
Use synonyms
 of the country you live in as a foreigner offers several advantages in making new relationships. Principally, it enables individuals to make new friends, allowing them to get better opportunities in different fields. Based on past experience, there is a study conducted in 2025 by Melbourne University that stated 90% of foreigners prefer to make new communications and relations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could be a chance to share their
history
Use synonyms
 and explain the difference between the foreign
culture
Use synonyms
 and the local
culture
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 do not need to know the tiny details or understand everything about the
history
Use synonyms
, but it is enough to know the key information.
In addition
Linking Words
, I understand there are foreign
people
Use synonyms
 who are not interested in these topics.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
history
Use synonyms
 and
culture
Use synonyms
 of any country you live in
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 mostly
people
Use synonyms
 or the government provide summarised charts or books about them
instead
Linking Words
 of studying hard.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly believe that increasing foreigners' knowledge of the
culture
Use synonyms
 or
history
Use synonyms
 of different nations offers a practical solution for foreign
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the communication it provides.
However
Linking Words
, the shortage in cultural or historical information as a foreigner could be fixed by knowing the main points.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your main view more clearly. Say why history and culture are important, not only that they can help people make friends.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and a real example. You could write about daily life, work, school, local rules, and respect for local people.
task response
The second body paragraph is unclear. It says people do not need to know every small fact, but it does not fully explain why this matters for the question.
task response
Use examples that sound real and are easy to explain. The study from Melbourne University is not needed and is not clearly linked to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear plan: introduction, reasons why knowledge is important, limits on how much people need to learn, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a direct main idea. Then explain it and give one example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not natural. For example, “On the other hand” should introduce an opposite view, but the next paragraph mostly gives a limit to your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long or unclear sentences. For example, the sentence about charts and books needs to be split into two short sentences.
task response
You give a clear personal view and stay on the main topic of foreigners living in another country.
task response
You include the useful idea that people only need key facts, rather than every small part of history.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and some linking words, such as “Furthermore”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: