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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

‘It is important for foreigners to know something about the history and culture of the country they live in.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is often argued that foreign residents in other countries should know the local
history
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 and traditions.
While
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 some individuals think knowing
this
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information
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 is not crucial, others argue that it is vital. I firmly believe that foreigners do not need to know
this
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 kind of
information
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,
although
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 it is a great way to make new friends.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the proponents of
history
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 education argue that it is important to expand their connections. Principally, understanding the heritage and
history
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 of the host country is a good starting point to open discussions with different
people
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.
For example
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, a foreign worker during break time can open informal conversations with local colleagues and build a relationship.
This
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 clearly illustrates why knowing
this
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 kind of
information
Use synonyms
 is related to making new friends.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I agree with
people
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 who argue that studying the historical background of other nations is not an interesting idea for foreign
people
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, because their main reason to stay there is their jobs. Those
people
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 are mostly
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
 workers in different fields; as long as they perform their duties and follow the regulations, there is no importance for
history
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 education. A clear example for
this
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 can be seen in industrial sectors, where there are a lot of successful foreign employees
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 little
information
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 about both the
history
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 and heritage of the country they live in.
Therefore
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, it becomes clear that the knowledge of other histories is not important for foreign individuals.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly believe that studying the
history
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 and culture of other nations as a foreigner is not vital,
although
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 it may improve their chances
to create
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of creating
show examples
 new relationships with local
people
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.

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task response
Your main view is clear: this knowledge is useful but not needed. However, explain more fully why work is the main reason for living abroad and why this makes history and culture less important. Also discuss culture, not only history.
task response
Some ideas are too broad. For example, saying foreign workers do not need this knowledge because they do their jobs does not fully answer how they live with local people outside work. Add a short point about daily life, rules, or respect.
task response
Use a more real and clear example. In the second body paragraph, describe one worker, one place, and how the worker does well without much local history knowledge.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link between each main point and your view more direct.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph is about making friends, but the next paragraph is mostly about work. Add a link such as: "However, making friends is helpful, but it is not the main need for every foreign worker."
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as "information," "history," and "foreign." Use simple other words, for example "local past," "local ways," "people from abroad," and "this knowledge."
coherence and cohesion
Make each example a full sentence with clear grammar. For example: "In many factories, foreign workers do their jobs well even if they know little about the local past and local ways."
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep the same view in the conclusion.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give an example for each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to follow, and words like "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion" help show the order of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly brings back your main idea and the good point about making friends.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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