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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In recent years, responsible tourists have paid attention to preserving both the culture and the environment of the place they visit. However, some people say that it is impossible to be a responsible tourist. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, there are a large number of people who think it is impossible to have responsible
tourists
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, mainly because
tourists
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 can contribute positively to the countries that they
visit
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 by respecting the culture of each country and trying to reduce the damage
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
 they leave behind.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
Linking Words
, respecting others is one of the most crucial factors to be a responsible tourist, and
tourists
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 are able to achieve that by respecting the culture of different countries, even if they find the traditional habits of the nation that they
visit
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 either quite boring or not interesting.
For instance
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, if
tourists
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 go to
visit
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 a museum that shows the
historical
Replace the word
history
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heritage of the country, they should be careful about their behaviour towards the history of the country.
Consequently
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,
tourists
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 will be capable of receiveing a good services
due to
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 their respect.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason that justifies why I completely disagree is that taking care of the
environment
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 enables
tourists
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 to be responsible
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the places they
visit
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because visitors can increase the amount of air pollution by overuse of cars, but they are
also
Linking Words
 able to mitigate their countribution of pollution by using public transportation alternatively.
For example
Linking Words
, using trains and buses to go to the place they want
instead
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 of taxis will help reduce the emissions of carbon dioxide
owing
Punctuation problem
, owing
show examples
 to the number of passengers each vehicle carries. With
this
Linking Words
 approach,
tourists
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 will be aware of their effect, and the more they are aware, the greater the positive impact on keeping the
environment
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
tourists
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 should know about the negative influence that they can make for their tourism because they play a vital role in maintaining the
environment
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 of countries.
In addition
Linking Words
 to their polite behaviour and respecting other cultures. Ultimately, I believe these measures can lead them to be responsible
tourists
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first part, then keep the same view in every part. Your two main ideas are on culture and the environment, so they fit the question well.
task response
Explain more clearly how each action makes a tourist responsible. For example, say that following local rules can protect holy places, and using buses can cut harm from travel.
task response
Make examples more exact. The museum example is useful, but say what tourists should do, such as not touch old things, speak quietly, and follow staff rules.
task response
Avoid ideas that do not strongly prove your view. Getting good service is not the main reason why tourists should respect local culture.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, culture paragraph, environment paragraph, and conclusion. Your essay mostly follows this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with one direct main idea. Then give an explanation and one example. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'For example', 'As a result', and 'Therefore' should show a clear link between the sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion a full sentence and join its two ideas smoothly. The line 'In addition to their polite behaviour and respecting other cultures' is not a full sentence.
task response
You answer the whole question and give a clear view that responsible tourism is possible.
task response
The ideas about respect for local culture and care for the environment are both on topic and useful.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a main point, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion both show your main view, which helps the reader follow your answer.
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