IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Everyone deserves to educated . It’s unfair that intelligent people are not admitted to private universities because of their financial background. University education should be free for everyone. Did you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
On the topic of whether higher
education
Use synonyms
 should be accessible to everyone without tuition fees, I firmly disagree.
That is
Linking Words
 not to say that I condone the astronomically high price of a US college
education
Use synonyms
, but a complete lack of funding would result in subpar conditions in both
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
education
Use synonyms
 and
quantity
Correct article usage
the quantity
show examples
 of courses offered.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
scholarships
Use synonyms
 offer an option to offset some of the cost to enable the attendance of an economically diverse student body.
Body paragraph 1
Whereas
Linking Words
 in the United States, a college
education
Use synonyms
 can easily exceed prices of 40,000 Dollars, it is essentially free in Germany.
This
Linking Words
 dichotomy does not,
however
Linking Words
, account for the
state
Use synonyms
 of most German universities. From both my own experiences and from the recent debates on the quality of higher
education
Use synonyms
, it is evident that
Use synonyms
state funded
Correct your spelling
state-funded
 universities are seen as under-equipped, overcrowded and
overall
Linking Words
 not capable of providing the best possible academic
education
Use synonyms
. The material shortcomings are most noticeably seen in technological devices and laboratory equipment.
This
Linking Words
 can have detrimental effects on the studying behaviour, motivation and, more importantly, on student safety.
While
Linking Words
 those universities are funded by the
state
Use synonyms
 alone, the funding simply does not suffice to rectify these issues. The demands for an increase in public funding
falls
Correct subject-verb agreement
fall
show examples
 on deaf ears
due to
Linking Words
 the rise in inflation and the growing amount of national debt.
Body paragraph 2
One solution already in place
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
scholarships
Use synonyms
. These can be as broad as rewarding general academic excellence, or as specific as sports and arts programs. Here, the
students
Use synonyms
 who have shown the most aptitude, interest and merit are sponsored to reach their potential and contribute to society. These
students
Use synonyms
 are,
according to
Linking Words
 the
university
Capitalize the proper name
University
show examples
 of Oldenburg, almost 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 more likely to successfully graduate than those who enrolled in a general,
Use synonyms
state funded
Correct your spelling
state-funded
 program.
Scholarships
Use synonyms
 can target specific areas that are beneficial to the economy, provide added motivation and be specifically configured for the
students
Use synonyms
' needs. Partial
scholarships
Use synonyms
 can reach a larger number of recipients,
while
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 who truly need the funding can be sponsored completely.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 high tuitions may seem exclusionary, a certain amount of funding is necessary for the upkeep of facilities and materials. Discrepancies between those
students
Use synonyms
 who can provide a modest tuition and those who cannot can be bridged through
scholarships
Use synonyms
 specifically tailored to those applicants' needs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree that all university study should be free. However, deal more directly with the main point about poor students who have strong ability. Explain how your plan would make sure they can still go to university.
task response
Your two main ideas are useful: free study may lead to less money for schools, and scholarships can help. Add a fuller answer to the other side. For example, say why fees should not stop a poor student from studying.
task response
The Germany example helps, but it is very broad. It would be stronger if you gave one clear, simple real example of a school, course, or problem caused by too little state money.
task response
Be careful with the claim about the University of Oldenburg and the '30 percent' result. If you cannot fully support a fact, use a more general example instead. This makes your answer sound more safe and natural.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: your view, two body parts, and a short ending. Keep this strong plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between your first body part and your main view more clear. State that tuition fees can give universities money, but that poor students should get help so that fees do not block access.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold too many ideas. Break them into two shorter sentences, especially in the first body part. This will make the point easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a few more clear linking words to show cause and result, such as 'therefore', 'as a result', and 'because of this'. Do not use too many.
task response
You answer the question clearly from the start and keep the same view through the whole essay.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and you explain why university funding matters for buildings, equipment, and student learning.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, and the ending returns to both tuition fees and help for students who need it.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending work well together: both show that you support help for poor students but do not support fully free university for all.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Equal opportunity
  • Social equity
  • Financial background
  • Merit-based
  • Barrier of cost
  • Skilled workforce
  • Economic growth
  • Innovation
  • Economic burden
  • Government resources
  • Reallocation
  • Balance and sustainability
  • Low-income families
  • Long-term benefits
  • Tuition-free education
  • Access to education
  • Equitable society
  • Educational investment
  • Higher employment rates
What to do next:
Look at other essays: