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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The issue of
increasing
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the increasing
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 use of
computers
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 and mobile
phones
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 nowadays has unwanted
effects
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 on young
people`s
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 reading and writing
skills
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has
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, which has
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 sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some people
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that it affects children`s reading and writing
skills
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 ,
while
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 others argue that it does not
effect
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affect
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 children`s reading and writing
skills
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that using
computers
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 and mobile
phones
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 has useful
effects
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 on young
people`s
Use synonyms
 reading and writing
skills
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that increasing use of
computers
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 and mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 has unwanted
effects
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 on young
people`s
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 reading and writing
skills
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 argue that the digital
technologies
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technologies'
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 impact on
children
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children's
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 health.
For instance
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,if a child spends most of his time
at
Verb problem
playing
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 video games,the child`s eyesight might get worse.Furhtermore,many families think that the
computers
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 and mobile
phones
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 not only affect on young
people`s
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 health,but
also
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 affect on the young
people`s
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 future.
For example
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,if a young girl
uses computer too much time
Correct word order
spends too much time on the computer
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,she might forget to study.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that the increasing use of
computers
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 and mobile
phones
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 has not
effects
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 on young
people`s
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 reading and writing
skills
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 emphasise that the digital technologies can develop young
people`s
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 reading and writing
skills
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 ,and assist them to gain knowledge.
For instance
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,if a young boy uses his laptop to read novels or
hertage
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heritage
 books,he can improve his reading
skills
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 and gain information about
the
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apply
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history.
In addition
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,many families encourage their children to
using
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use
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 their
computers
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 and mobile
phones
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 to
chatting
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chat
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 with their friends ,which can help them to develop their writing
skills
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,
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apply
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and make relationships with new friends.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides ,I firmly
beleive
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believe
 that using
computers
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 and mobile
phones
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 has benefical effect on young
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people`s
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people
show examples
.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital technologies can assist children
to improve
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in improving
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 their reading and writing
skills
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a more direct answer in the first part. You say you agree that phones and computers are useful, but the question asks if they have bad effects. Say clearly that you partly agree: they can harm skills when used for games or short posts, but they can help when used for reading and study.
task response
Keep every main point about reading and writing. The first body part is mostly about eye health and school work. These ideas are linked to phone use, but they do not fully answer the question about reading and writing skills.
task response
Explain how each example changes reading or writing. For example, games may make young people read less, and chat may lead to short forms and spelling mistakes. Reading books online can build reading skill when the child reads for a long time.
task response
Use more exact examples. Instead of saying a girl may forget to study, explain that time on games can take time away from reading school books and writing homework.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first body paragraph match its opening sentence. If the paragraph says there are bad effects on reading and writing, all the ideas in it should show those bad effects.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use 'For instance', 'Furthermore', and 'In addition' well, but make sure the next sentence gives a clear result of the idea before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long opening sentences with many ideas. Shorter sentences will make your meaning clearer. Also leave one space after each full stop and comma.
language
Check key word forms and spelling: 'believe', 'affect', 'furthermore', 'heritage', 'beneficial', and 'has no effect'. Write 'spend too much time on a computer' and 'encourage their children to use'.
task response
You give a clear personal view and return to it in the ending.
task response
You include examples of reading novels, learning about history, and writing messages to friends.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'On one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'To sum up' help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Attention span
  • Autocorrect
  • Informal language
  • Internet slang
  • Short-form communication
  • Proofread
  • Traditional writing norms
  • Comprehensive reading
  • Visual media
  • Interactive learning
  • Engagement
  • Learning difficulties
  • Spellcheck
  • Complex sentence structures
  • Engaging platforms
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