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Writing Samples
Band 4

Scientists and technlogy experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
NOWADAYS, SCIENTISTS ARE APPRECIATED FOR THE COMPELLING WORK THEY DO FOR THE COUNTRY ,
ALONG WITH
Linking Words
 DEVELOPING TECHNOLOGY. BUT,
DUE TO
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THIS
Linking Words
, MUSICIANS AND ARTISTS ARE LESS RESPECTED BY THE SOCITEY AND
THIS
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 HAS GATHERED A SIGNIFICANT ATTENTION AND SPARKED WIDESPREAD.
THEREFORE
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, IT IS CRUCIAL TO TAKE A DEEP DIVE INTO ITS COMPLEXITIES AND EXPLORE POTENTIAL OUTCOMES. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE STATEMENT AS
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 THINK IT WILL HELP THEM IN BETTER DEVELOPED NATIONS.
Body paragraph 1
TO EMBARK UPON, SEVERAL DISCOVERIES WERE MADE BY SCIENTISTS , WHICH ARE USED RECENTLY TO CALCULATE THE POSSIBLE OUTCOME.
ALSO
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, NEW ADVANCEMENT SHOULD BE DONE WITH THE HELP OF THESE RESEARCHERS.
FOR INSTANCE
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,
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 GET TO KNOW ABOUT MINERALS, PLANT SPECIES , HISTORIES AND
SOLAR
Add an article
THE SOLAR
show examples
 SYSTEM BECAUSE OF THE SCIENTIST.
Body paragraph 2
MOREOVER
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, THESE KIND OF SEARCH WAS VALUED AND APPRRECIATED BY SOCIETY.
WHEREAS
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, SIGNERS AND ACTORS ARE TAKEN AS A SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT.
IN ADDITION
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, FEWER
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 WANTS TO BECOME LIKE THEM AND MOST
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 MOTIVATE BY THE SCITENIST BEACUSE
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 THOUGHT SCIENTIST HAVE MORE KNOWLEDGE AND VALUES OVER THEM. TO EPITOME, ARTICLES WERE PRINTED ON THE LIFE OF THE RESEARCHERS , BUT THERE IS NOTHING TO BE PRINTED ABOUT THE
HISTORYOF
Correct your spelling
HISTORY OF
 MUSICIANS.
Conclusion
TO RECAPITULIZE, SOCIETY WANTS ENTERTAINMENT AND KNOWLEDGE AT THE
TIME
Correct word choice
SAME TIME
show examples
. BUT, THEY RESPECTED MORE WHO HAVE MORE FAME OR INFLUENCE RATHER THAN SINGERS AND MUSICIANS.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that scientists are more valued. However, explain more fully why this is true and how it affects artists and musicians. Add one clear point about why art still matters, such as its role in culture, feelings, and daily life.
task response
Some examples are too wide or not fully linked to the question. For example, learning about plants and the solar system shows that science is useful, but explain why this makes society value scientists more than artists.
task response
Be careful with claims that are too strong, such as saying there is nothing to print about musicians. Many musicians have important life stories and cultural work. Use fair, clear ideas to make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main parts, and an ending. This is a good basic plan. Make each main part start with one clear main idea, then give an example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not complete. For example, “this has gathered a significant attention and sparked widespread” stops before the idea is finished. Write shorter sentences and check that every sentence has a full meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a more natural way: “First,” “For example,” “However,” and “In conclusion.” Avoid very formal words such as “To embark upon” and “To recapitulate,” as they do not fit well here.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for each group. Use “scientists and technology experts” and “musicians and artists” throughout. Do not change to “singers and actors” unless you explain why they are part of your point.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and keep the same view in the rest of the essay.
task response
You give relevant ideas about science, research, and new technology helping people and countries.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is divided into clear parts, with a beginning, body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “Moreover,” “Whereas,” and “For instance” to join your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • public safety
  • scientific research
  • technical expertise
  • practical solutions
  • medical breakthroughs
  • renewable energy
  • digital communication
  • highly paid profession
  • public recognition
  • emotional well-being
  • cultural identity
  • creative expression
  • raise social awareness
  • preserve traditional culture
  • quality of life
  • a balanced view
  • make a valuable contribution
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