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Band 7

It is thought by some that a school teachers’ role is to motivate and inspire students. However, other people believe that a teacher’s primary role is to pass on knowledge. What do you think is the role of a teacher?

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Introduction
Some people believe that a
teacher
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's job is to encourage
students
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 and spark their interest,
whereas
Linking Words
 others think that teachers' main role is to transfer
knowledge
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 to learners. I believe that what makes a great
teacher
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 is balancing the two. A
teacher
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 has to be knowledgeable and encourage
students
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, a
teacher
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's
knowledge
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 is the foundation of good teaching.
Students
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 can only learn what their
teacher
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 truly understands, so a gap in the
teacher
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's
knowledge
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 becomes a gap in theirs.
For example
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, a
teacher
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 may have a great personality and teaching style but lack the basic
knowledge
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 required to train future doctors.
As a result
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, their
students
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 may graduate without the skills they need, which could put patients at risk.
Therefore
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,
knowledge
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 is essential for teachers who educate the people who will build our future.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, a
teacher
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 who has
knowledge
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 but cannot encourage
students
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 is less effective. Encouraging
students
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 to search for information by themselves is far more effective than traditional teaching.
For example
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, a student whose
teacher
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 reads from the textbook for the whole lesson may quickly become bored. They may be physically present, but their mind is
elsewhere
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.
As a result
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, the student may feel stressed about the next exam because they did not pay attention in class.
Therefore
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,
knowledge
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 alone is not enough, as it is only useful when
students
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 are motivated to receive it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the role of a
teacher
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 is to combine
knowledge
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 with encouragement.
While
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 a deep understanding of the subject ensures that
students
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 learn the right information, inspiration makes them want to learn it in the first place.

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Task response
State your view even more clearly in the first line. You do this well, but you could say that both jobs are equally important and explain why.
Task response
Add a little more detail to show how a teacher can both share knowledge and make students want to learn. This would make your main idea feel more complete.
Task response
Your examples are clear and on topic. The doctor example is strong, but the second example could show a more active class, such as a teacher asking students to find and share ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a very clear plan: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this simple shape in future essays.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words. You use “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” well, but you can also use “In addition”, “However”, and “This means that” where they fit.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the link between the two body parts more direct. At the end of the first part, you could say that knowledge matters most when students are ready and willing to learn.
Task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear view: a good teacher needs both knowledge and the power to encourage students.
Task response
Each main point is supported by a clear reason and an example. The point about future doctors and patient safety is especially strong.
Coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear and natural order. Each body part has one main point, followed by support and a short result.
Coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion match well. The conclusion brings both main ideas together without adding a new point.
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