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Writing Samples
Band 3

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education should be compulsory for all students in all schools. What do you think?

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Introduction
Many people think that
Use synonyms
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 is very important to children and teenagers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it has to be mandatory for all
students
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
like
show examples
 other subjects. In my opinion, I strongly agree to add
Use synonyms
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 as
subject
Add an article
a subject
show examples
 to support health and create jobs for teachers.
Body paragraph 1
As the
students
Use synonyms
 in elementary and middle
schools
Use synonyms
ar
Correct your spelling
are
 growing up, it is
nessissary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to add sports and
Use synonyms
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 as a subject
which help
Correct subject-verb agreement
that helps
show examples
 and
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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. Many children
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 bored
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 sitting all
time
Add an article
the time
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 in
chair
Add an article
a chair
show examples
 and listening to teachers
many
Change preposition
for many
show examples
 hours without moving around.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason,
excersise
Use synonyms
 helping to cut out the routine and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
students
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chance
Add an article
a chance
show examples
 to discharge the latent energy inside them during
Use synonyms
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
Body paragraph 2
Another benefit of exercise as
subject
Add an article
a subject
show examples
 in
schools
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that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 it gives
opportunity to people finding
Correct word order
people the opportunity to find
show examples
 jobs in
schools
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.
Body paragraph 3
Therefore
Linking Words
, it gives teacher chance
finding
Wrong verb form
to find
show examples
 out talented children in sports
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 example, football, and
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 the talented student to developing their skills until they reach matches or even olompyad. Being a coach in school and give student a correct
Use synonyms
excersise that
Correct word order
exercise that is
show examples
 suitable
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their body is
a great not only
Correct word order
not only great
show examples
 for
students
Use synonyms
it
Correct word choice
, but it
show examples
helps
Correct word choice
also helps
show examples
 to build
up
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a healthy and
fitted
Replace the word
fit
 community.
Conclusion
In conclusion, adding
Use synonyms
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 in
schools
Use synonyms
 helps
students
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improving
Wrong verb form
improve their
show examples
 health and
emptying
Wrong verb form
expend
show examples
energy
Punctuation problem
energy,
show examples
 it
also
Linking Words
 gives new jobs for teachers.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the question. Say that PE should be required, but also explain that schools can change the activity for students with health needs.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how exercise can improve health, sleep, focus, and team work. The point about jobs is less important, so make it shorter or link it more clearly to children.
task response
Use one clear example. For example, say that a student who plays football or runs twice a week may be more active and ready to learn in class.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. To make the flow better, use two body parts: one about children’s health and one about school life or sport skills.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a clear main sentence. Then give an explanation and an example before you move to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a more natural way, such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not begin too many sentences with “Therefore” or “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the words are not in a clear order. Keep sentences short: subject, verb, then idea. For example: “Exercise gives students a break from long hours of sitting.”
task response
You clearly state your view in the first part and keep the same view until the end.
task response
You give useful ideas about children needing to move, have better health, and find sport skills.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words to show reasons and results, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exercise
  • education
  • schools
  • children
  • teenagers
  • compulsory
  • healthy
  • active
  • students
  • skills
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • lifestyle
  • routine
  • trend
  • mood
  • mental health
  • space
  • express
  • stress
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