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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, governments pay partly or all education fees. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
In our modern world, we have been seeing a
raise
Check wording
rise
show examples
 in educational expenses, but luckly many countries take on the burden of paying those fees. And I
strongely
Correct your spelling
strongly
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion, and
encourge
Correct your spelling
encourage
 more governments to do the same, because
education
Use synonyms
 should be free for all
people
Use synonyms
 alike and it is considered a human right.
Body paragraph 1
The advantages clearly
outweights
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages, because providing
education
Use synonyms
 to the
people
Use synonyms
 will eventually pay off, and it is not a waste of money
what so ever
Correct your spelling
whatsoever
. Because an educated generation will develop and improve their own country, by applying the knowledge they obtained
threw
Use the right word
through
show examples
 years
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 free
education
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 is why
govenments
Correct your spelling
governments
 should invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Education
Use synonyms
 must be an equal right for all, providing the chances for those
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are unable, creates a balanced community, which in
return
Check wording
turn
show examples
 brings peace and harmony.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, if there was a clear divide amongst individuals from the same society, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 create conflicts and
unstablity
Replace the word
instability
.
This
Linking Words
exactly
Verb problem
is exactly
show examples
 why governments must look out for their
people
Use synonyms
 and
insure
Use the right word
ensure
show examples
 to provide basic human rights.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the benefits are far more valuable to countries than trying to save money on
eduaction
Correct your spelling
education
. So
that
Verb problem
that's
show examples
 why many governments tend to invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
education
Use synonyms
 system, because it comes
bake
Use the right word
back
show examples
 as a full
circule
Correct your spelling
circle
 moment, and helps the country
back
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
whereas
Linking Words
 trying to take free
education
Use synonyms
 back
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will lead to huge gaps in the
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
, and that will cause serious conflict in the near future.

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task response
You answer the question clearly: you say that the good points are greater than the bad points. To make your answer stronger, explain the bad points too, such as the high cost for the state or higher tax. Then show clearly why these problems are less important.
task response
Your main ideas are good: free school can help the country grow and can give poor children a fair chance. Add one real or clear made-up example. For example, a child from a poor home can study, get a good job, and later help the country.
task response
Some ideas need more detail. Do not only say that free school brings peace. Explain the link: when more people can study and work, there may be less anger between rich and poor people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow. Keep one main idea in each body part and give an example or more detail after it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. You repeat “because” many times. Try words such as “also”, “as a result”, “for this reason”, and “however” where they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part clearer. The sentence about money coming back “as a full circle” is hard to understand. Say directly that money spent on schools can return through more skilled workers, jobs, and tax.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and spelling because they sometimes make your meaning less clear. For example, use “rise”, “strongly”, “encourage”, “outweigh”, “through”, “governments”, “ensure”, and “education”.
task response
You state your view from the start and keep the same view in the whole essay.
task response
You choose ideas that fit the question well, especially fair chances for all children and long-term help for the country.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has a clear four-part shape: an opening, two body parts, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
The main message of each body part is easy to see, so the reader can follow your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • access to education
  • financial burden
  • education quality
  • equal opportunities
  • investment in human capital
  • economic development
  • cost burden
  • misuse of funds
  • motivation
  • perform well
  • limited choice
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