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Writing Samples
Band 4

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Governments can spend
money
Use synonyms
 on the nation for other advantages
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
not spend
Correct word choice
instead of spending
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 exploration.
I'm
Verb problem
I
show examples
 completely agree with
idea
Add an article
the idea
show examples
 because if you spend
money
Use synonyms
 on other
think
Use the right word
things
show examples
 the nation, you will
batter
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country
Use synonyms
to him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and you became the education, transport,
econmic
Correct your spelling
economy
,and
Use synonyms
increase
Verb problem
create
show examples
 jobs.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, if you spend
money
Use synonyms
 on the education
system
Punctuation problem
system,
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then
Linking Words
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will became the
batter
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 future for his
life
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 and spend
batter
Use synonyms
life
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.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 if you are became the school, collage and
univarsity
Correct your spelling
university
, the student create the
batter
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 careen for his
life
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 and spend
batter
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 time.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if you are
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the
punbilc
Correct your spelling
public
 transport,
deline
Correct your spelling
delineate
 the traffic foremore
batter
Use synonyms
 environment for health.
For instance
Linking Words
 gowth the new bus and public transport to
reduct
Correct your spelling
reduce
 the
population
Punctuation problem
population,
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moreover
Linking Words
Use synonyms
batter
Use the right word
better
show examples
 provide the
people
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 healthi
life
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.
Body paragraph 2
Ater
Correct your spelling
After
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 you spend
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 for his
increase
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 the product make in the
country
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 and
decease
Correct your spelling
decrease
.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 instance
in
Correct word choice
, if
show examples
 you are more
increase
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 the send their think and
more develop
Correct word order
develop more
show examples
.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
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 you spend the
money
Use synonyms
new
Change preposition
on new
show examples
 development
capmanys
Correct your spelling
capital
 and new factories.
For example
Linking Words
in
Correct word choice
, if
show examples
 you
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 the new campanys and factories
increase
Use synonyms
 the new
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
 and more
increase
Use synonyms
 the economy
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
because the
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 more think develop in my
country
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
that is
Linking Words
batter
Use synonyms
increase
Use synonyms
 economy.
Conclusion
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 spend
money
Use synonyms
 on other work and
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
show examples
 the company and factories to
batter
Use synonyms
 jobs,education,transprot and economy
that
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
 means
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increase
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 the
batter
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life
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
. if government spend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 exploration the is
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 idea for
his
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 because not going to
in
Verb problem
go into
show examples
space
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
not
Verb problem
will not
show examples
 work in
space
Use synonyms
 if
people
Use synonyms
 not
knowledge
Verb problem
have knowledge
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 study, you will not understand the
space
Use synonyms
explain
Replace the word
explanation

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task response
State your view in a clear way at the start. You say you agree, but explain why space work is a waste of money in more detail.
task response
Use two or three main ideas only, such as schools, health care, and transport. Explain each idea: what the money can buy, who it helps, and why this is more important.
task response
Your examples need to be clear and real. For example, say that new buses can help people get to work on time and can cut traffic in big cities.
task response
Write a short ending that repeats your view and sums up your main reasons. Do not add new ideas in the ending.
coherence and cohesion
Make one clear paragraph for each main idea. Start with a topic sentence, then give an explanation and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Put ideas in a clear order: introduction, education, transport or jobs, and conclusion. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words correctly, such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'. Do not use many links if the meaning is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as 'better' and 'increase' many times. Use short, clear sentences so the reader can understand your point.
task response
You give a clear main view: government money should go to needs at home rather than space work.
task response
You choose useful areas to discuss, including education, public transport, jobs, and the economy.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Furthermore' to show the order of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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